(with apologies to Stephen Sondheim)

NYC OPERA FANATIC:
Bless her soul,
Bless her golden throat,
All her fans can gloat.
Renée’s preparing to chant
The bel canto role.

SIEGLINDE:
Today is for Norma
Norma, the role of the divas of choice.
America’s soprano will honor us forever.
Today is for Norma,
As sung by the Beautiful Voice.

RENEE:
Pardon me, is everybody here? Because if everybody’s here, I
want to thank you all for coming to my Norma, I’d appreciate
your going even more, I mean you must have lots of better things
to do, and would you please inform my fans, remember fans you know,
they’re called the Fleming Flappers, but they’re not, because they wouldn’t flap
at anyone as wonderful as I am–
Change of plans:
I’m all wrong as a pagan,
Change of plans,
I’ll do Eugene Onegin,
Tell the fans,
That I’m not singing Norma today.