Which singer has turned out to be such a headache that the artistic administration have decided they’d better fly over a replacement?

Which artist who’s no longer in denial about waning abilities is about to withdraw (or be withdrawn) from the next (and probably last) Met project?

Which opera company that apparently still exists has sent out a casting call for no fewer than 40 supernumeraries to appear naked in an work whose title, ironically, includes a part of the body that is generally not concealed anyway?

Which recent debut has the Met’s administrators intoxicating themselves with dreams of a return engagement for the budding star in the second cast of one of next season’s new productions?

Which heaven-sent young artist is about to make a late Christmas present of his talents to an opera house that now (uselessly, no doubt) regrets not casting him in the first place?

While male half of a famous operatic couple has now become involved with a “chick” with whom he recently co-starred?

Though his life is blessed with joy and full of hope, which artist could spare only 20 minutes to sign autographs before shouting “I’m done” and stomping away from a queue of disappointed fans?

Which singing couple is about to get involved in a messy scandal of the sort they usually experience only when performing together on the opera stage?

Which Met prima donna whacked the leading man over the head with her score after he had the… what’s the word?… audacity to wear cologne to a rehearsal of their one scene together?

Which one of “the world’s leading classical singers” is currently seeking a personal assistant?

Which new production was reportedly such a “disaster” during early technical rehearsals that management seriously considered substituting the company’s older staging of the work?

Which Met diva will sing two numbers “down a minor second” in her performances during the 2012-13 season?

Do you not feel in the air that a certain legendary soprano will make a surprise singing appearance this evening?

Which much-lauded diva has been canceling lots of performances lately, but not necessarily because she suffering from “swollen cords,” as she claims?

Which summer festival is quietly preparing for a season with performances accompanied by two pianos instead of the customary full orchestra?

Which legendary fan will make the switch from opera house to newsprint when she is profiled in the New York Times this weekend?

Anyone who stares at the opera schedule for June knows that this soprano with history of canceling isn’t going to show for that Italian gig.

Wait, don’t guess until you’ve read what’s after the jump.

Which diva, oblivious to the open mikes of the theater PA system, recently fired off this immortal line at her impresario: “You run this place like the Gestapo!”

The story is short, but to the point: this soprano has been “sacked” from a major opera house’s gala Puccini revival.

Which erstwhile mezzo-soprano has had it with all those florid soprano roles she’s recently attempted?

Which department at the Met must have had quite a shock at this bit of current news: apparently the son also rises!