Well, it says so right there on Page Six, you know it must be true: Michael Stipe injures his leg in a go-carting accident, The Duchess of York is accused of destroying the Brazilian coastline, and

THE hipster intelligentsia flocked to Brooklyn Tuesday night to catch Patrick Stewart in Macbeth at BAM’s opening gala. Mikhail Baryshnikov, Anna Paquin, Lou Reed, Bill Irwin and opera singer Renée Fleming…

No, stop now. La Cieca insists, you have to stop now.

No, the problem here is not “hipster intelligentsia;” after all, your doyenne enjoys a lively oxymoron as much as anyone, with the possible exception of dear Linda Richman. But La Cieca really must draw the line at calling The Beautiful Voice a hipster, not even of any kind. Does Fleming work at Kinko’s? No! Does she ride her fixed-gear bicycle to McCarren Park Pool to listen to Vampire Weekend while swilling Pabst Blue Ribbon? No! Does she even have an asymmetrical haircut? Well, probably not, though La Cieca admits she hasn’t seen any recent photos. But, in general, if there is any lifestyle less hipsterish than “Daniel Boulud dessert namesake/ working mother/ opera singer/ owner of an Upper West Side condo penthouse,” it surely must be “Daniel Boulud dessert namesake/ working mother/ opera singer/ owner of an Upper West Side condo penthouse who interviews other opera singers on the radio.” (And that doesn’t even include the Garrison Keillor connection.)

You will be happy to learn, though, that “Stewart and Fleming braved the snow to go to The River Café for a late dinner with friends,” which means either that the diva and Captain Picard are dating or else (more likely, since he’s gay, right?) that they have the same publicist.