And standing in the door of La Casa della Cieca (pictured) was little Betsy Ann Bobolink, who, instead of lisping “Trick or treat!”, drawled affectedly, “In the spirit of mutual respect and commonality that so pervades our modern society, and has even at times crept onto these pages, here’s what’s available for listening (and chatting)…”

1:00-4:30 BBC 3: THE QUEEN OF SPADES –4 F.K. In the name of God, this is a RUSSIAN opera — you think they”re our friends now, but they aren’t. Besides, it’s got Rosalind Plowright in it. No opera should EVER have Rosalind Plowright in it; she’s so retro.,

1:00-5:00 CBC TWO: ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL– 4 F.K. This isn’t even an opera — it’s just a bunch of excerpts all strung together while a bunch of people you never heard of talk about stuff that I don’t know what they’re saying and neither do you if you weren’t too dumb to admit it.

1:00-3:00 DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR: Urspruch’s DAS UNMOGLICHSTE VON ALLEM — Whoever heard of this thing? Why can’t they do something classic like La Boheme or Chu Chin Chow. Shows you what happens when the pinkos take over the opera houses.

1:00-5:00 DWOJKA POLSJKIE: LE COQ D’OR. Another Russian. Boy, if anything could prove the point I’m trying to make it would be this. And it’s about a bird! A bird! Those feathered dinosaurs that crap on the floor. 3 F.K.

1:00-5:00 FRANCE MUSIQUE: LE DIDONNE — Another tiresome old, humdrum thing from back before people learned to write properly outside the envelope of tonality. 3 F.K. Gods and nymphs, gods and nymphs, is that all you people ever think about is gods and nymphs.

1:00-8:00 KBYU: TANNHAUSER from Bayreuth — 4 F.K. Well, here’s Wagner again, trying to reconstruct Christianity into his own image and getting it ALL WRONG — as usual. Flowering staff my ass, it’s a phallic symbol with the same old tired homoerotic bullcrap.

1:00-4:00 NRK KLASSISK: IPHIGENIE EN TAURIDE from Canadian Opera — 2 F.K. Whaddaya expect — Gluck called himself a “reformer.” — A REEEE—FOOOOOORRRR —MEERRRRR! Of course Orestes and Pylades are gonna get it on. “Reformer, ” oh, for crying out loud.

1:00-5:00 RADIO CLASICA DE SPANA: Thomas’ LA COUR DE CELIMENE — 2 F.K. Well, it had to be, didn’t it. Instead of building on the reputation he gained from “Mignon” and “Hamlet” Thomas chooses this tripe, when he could have given us a mondrama based on “Critique of Pure Reason” that just MIGHT have broadened people’s horizons a little.

1:00-6:00 RTP ANTENA 2: TRISTAN UND ISOLDE — 3 F.K. Back in my day, when Eisenhower was on the throne, if you were alone with somebody else’s wife, you just DIDN’T TOUCH HER. Not like today, when it’s all touch touch touch. God, I give up.

1:00-5:00 VPR, WCLV, WFMT
ARIADNE AUF NAXOS — 2 F.K. Well, this shows what happens when you let the lunatics take over the asylum. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, GUYS! Are you gonna do one opera or two, and what’s that prologue all about? It just confuses things.

1:00-4:00 NPR World of Opera: ELEKTRA from Washington — 4 F.K. Talk about your perfect Beltway opera! Blood everywhere, people screaming at each other all the time. Sheesh.

1:00-5:00 WFMT Network: MADAMA BUTTERFLY — 3 F.K. These mixed marriages never work; certain rules have been set down and if you don’t follow those rules, it’s gonna be kids in the carriage and blood all over the rug.

1:00-5:00 WQXR: SIEGFRIED from San Francisco — 2 F.K. Wagner as American myth. Ho hum! Been there, done that.

2:00-6:00 ESPACE 2: TURN OF THE SCREW — 2 F.K. Bunch of idiots anyway, turning the kids over to somebody who has absolutely NO vested interest intheir health, safety, or well-being. You get what you deserve, I always say.

2:00-6:00 KLARA: DEATH IN VENICE — 2 F.K. At last Chandos has come to their senses. After a long series of releases of operas in English translation, they at last do one in the language in which it was written. Bravo!

2:00-5:00 LATVIA RADIO KLASIKA: THE TSAR’S BRIDE from Estonia — 3 F.K. Do you see a pattern here? I do. It’s a conspiracy to put the lost Dauphin back on the throne of Mother Russia. Don’t be misled by that “bride” business. This is NOT a happy festive opera, by a long shot.

2:00-6:00 RADIO TRE: DIE ENTFUHRUNG AUS DEM SERAIL from Rome — 4 F.K. At last something the whole family can enjoy. Rape, kidnapping, assasination — fine wholesome values.

Your doyenne will be giving out nice wholesome apples at La Casa della Cieca.