Our Own Betsy Ann Bobolink (not pictured) writes: “Well, let’s see. They’ve used sinks, bathtubs, commodes. Except for bathroom scales, that takes care of the primary fixtures in la salle de bain. Boudoirs have been done to death. Clocks, chairs, chandeliers are all hopelessly passe. The only room left for an aspiring director to seek inspiration would have to be—the kitchen! ”

12:00-3:30 WFMT American Opera Network: Hinkel Schiess stages BORIS GODUNOV for Chicago in a huge refrigerator with the Russian scenes in the freezer and the Polish scenes in the vegetable crisper. Worth a listen for Furlanetto; 2 F.K. Except no one told Schiess that this edition eliminates the Polish scene, so he has the cast assemble on-stage for 45 minutes improvising Doo-Wop.

11:00-2:00: From the workshop of Robert LePale, a giant flyswatter to take care of flying pests like hornets, Dutchmen, and the like. LRT KLASIKA, 3 F.K.

1:00-5:00 CBC TWO (Start times are staggered because it’s always 1:00 somewhere in Canada.) 1 F.K. because aficionados are so happy to see it staged at all that they’re not going to bitch. Two boxes of breakfast cereal sit on a shelf. The Rice Krispies want to be Cheerios aNd the Cheerios want to be Rice Krispies. But because they are ‘unopened,’ (oh, the sexual symbolism simply oozes!) nothing happens, which makes PELLEAS ET MELISANDE seem downright bombastic by comparison.

1:00-4:00. A scullery-based production of LA CENERENTOLA seemed too obvious, so Guy Legnano and his Jolly Canadians have turned off all the lights and play it in the dark. ESPACE MUSIQUE, no data to rank

1:00-5:00: Emil Tooch’s take on LE NOZZE DI FIGARO is that it all take place on a stove where tempers are simmering, except for the Countess, who is imprisoned in the oven. BBC, 3 F.K.

1:00-4:00: Not having a prior body of productions to rebel against, Harry Wooster had to look at the scores of Weingartner’s DIE DORFSCHULE and Orff’s GISEI. Whispering privately to the conductor, he said, “You just play it and I’ll make sure nobody bumps into anybody.” DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR, no data to rank.

1:00-5:00: Carmen Truderei has placed two dozen old-fashioned washing machines on stage. The cast puts their titos in the wringer and they all scream “Clemenza” for three hours. DWOJKA POLSKIE, 3 F.K.

1:00-5:00: With a ‘faux set” of lovers, and with emotions running hot and cold, it seems only right that COSI FAN TUTTE be staged in a sink. Alfonso seems rather drained by it all, but Despina is on tap. FRANCE MUSIQUE, 3 F.K., just to deal with Camilla Nylund.

1:30-5:00: NPR World of Opera Vivaldi’s L’ORACOLO IN MESSINA, 2 F.K., has been re-worked by Tewfil Lorchawa to reflect the tribulations of a woman who drops her glasses down the garbage disposal.

1:00-5:00: The perfect metaphor for the metronomic Herr Haydn’s LA VERA COSTANZA would be an egg-timer. NPR affiliates, 2 F.K.

1:00-4:00: The ubiquitous Ferruccio Furlanetto is running competition with himself as BORIS GODUNOV. But whether it’s Vienna or Chicago, he still hasn’t found Poland. NRK Klassik, 2 F.K.

1:00-4:00: ORLANDO means orange juice, so Cecil Seuss Swanson has staged the Handel opera as an expose of working conditions in a Sunkist processing plant — but with really divine costuming. RADIO 4 NETHERLANDS, 3 F.K.

1:00-5:00: Schweitzer’s ROSAMUNDE. This is new to me, but the little I’ve heard (my copy just arrived today) suggests it will be no more boring than most of the other stuff on the docket. (We used to have a cook named Rosie Mundy, but I’m sure she’s dead now. Or maybe not.)

1:00-5:00. When you’re trying to revive a long-forgotten moribund miscarriage like Halevy’s LE MAGICIENNE, it’s a waste of time to stage it as a bloody rebellion in a broom closet, even though you dress them all like Swiffers. RTP ANTENNA 2, 4 F.K.

1:00-5:00: It will be no surprise that Sparkie McHannus has chosen to emphasize the sexual tensions in LUCIA DI LAMMERMOOR by staging it on a huge condiment tray. Lucy is oil, Henry is vinegar, Edgar is mustard, and Raymond Bide-a-bent is catsup in one of those plastic dispensers that if you squeeze it in the middle, it squirts all over you. (I used to go with a guy like that.)

1:00-5:00: WRR will not be airing the commercial recording of PORGY AND BESS because someone leaked to The Gershwin Trust that Lorin Maazel is Caucasian. (You mean, nobody knew?)

1:00-6:00: Mary Zimmerbella draws on her sit-com roots for THE RETURN OF THE CORKSCREW with Peter Quint as the wacky neighbor who is always borrowing stuff — like your kid. LYRIC FM, 3 F.K.

2:00-5:30: RADIO STEPHANSDOM RUSLAN AND LUDMILA in a pretty good recording from the Mariinsky, 3 F.K. mainly because it has Netrebko. The plot features a scene with a giant head, which I guess puts us back in the bathroom again.

2:00-5:00: A Bach recital with Ian Bostridge. And when he’s done singing you can poke him down the drain to find that ring you lost.

2:00-6:00: Mercadante’s CARITEA, REGINA DI ESPAGNA. ESPACE 2. I don’t know this opera, but generally I like Mercadante. I also like Una Merkel. And Helmut Dantine. And Dentyne chewing gum. And I’ve reached Kevin Bacon in only five steps.

2:00-4:00: HR2 KULTUR. “Frau Luna und Ihre Verwandten.” Your guess is as good as mine, but I know she’s not going to last in Vegas unless she changes the name of her group.

2:00-4:30: LOVE FOR THREE ORANGES. Cecil Seuss Swanson has staged the Prokofiev opera as an expose of working conditions . . . wait a minute ! The sunuvabitch has used the same staging for two different operas. Seuss! You’re sued. You’re sued, Seuss!

2:00-5:00: MITRIDATE, RE DI PONTO. Not many people know that the historical Mithridatos was elevated to sainthood by Pope Pontilius III in 489 A.D. He is now employed as the Patron Saint of Light, so it is fitting that Bartlett Pear’s production consists in nothing more than a vast banque of blinding lights shining directly in the audience’s eyes. A brilliant achievement. RADIO TRE, 3 F.K.

4:00-6:00: NDR KULTUR ORPHEE AUX ENFERS, 2 F.K., in a recording which features Pluto giving head to Euridice, so we’re back in the bathroom again.

The chat, as always, is in La Casa della Cieca.