The subject of the controversy: that most insidious and invasive attack on American culture since fluoridation or women’s suffrage, operatic stage direction.

The conspirators: the ilk of Peter Gelb, Patrice Chéreau, Luc Bondy and Bartlett Sher, “instigated” by Paul Holdengräber.

The meeting place: that hotbed of radical thought the New York Public Library (Fifth Avenue at 42nd Street).

The offer: you can buy tickets here — if you dare!