Today’s chat combines the excitement of a contest with the life-or-death nail-biting of Turandot. The rules are simple;  several mistakes are built into the text.  You are to find the mistakes before “someone else” does.  But if you don’t find all the mistakes you have to send me (pictured) $1.39. Ready!  Set!  Go!

11:00-2:00 LRT KLASIKA: LA CLEMENZA DI TITO – From Vienna.  Elina Garanca sings Sesto in this performance, and she sang Sesto at The Met in last night’s live broadcast.  How did she get from one city to the other so fast?

12:00-3:30 SVERIGES P2: LUISA MILLER from Malmo.  No data to rate.  This is the only Verdi opera to take place in Switzerland.

1:00-4:30 WFMT American Opera Network: THE RAPE OF LUCRETIA from Houston.  No data to rate, but Barihunks is studying the matter closely.

1:00-5:00 CBC TWO: TOSCA from Canadian Opera.  Since this performance was broadcast last week, either OperaCast has made an error, or CBC put out erroneous information, or Miss Bobolink has made an error in copying it, or Ohio has demanded a recount.  3 F.K. all the way around.

1:00-5:00 ESPACE MUSIQUE: LE ROI MALGRE LUI from Wexford.  2 F.K.  This is the only Chabrier opera to be set in Poland.

1:00-5:00 BBC 3: MATILDE DI SHABRAN from Pesaro with Olga Peretyatko and JDF.  2 F.K.  Best bet of the day.

1:00-5:00 FRANCE MUSIQUE: LE NOZZE DI FIGARO from Montpelier.  No data to rate.  Marriages performed in Montpelier are not recognized in most of the Midwest.

1:00-5:00 KBYU, WQED: LE NOZZE DI FIGARO from San Francisco.  3 F.K.  Marriages performed in San Francisco are lucky to be recognized ANYWHERE!

1:00-4:30 NPR World of Opera: LES INDES GALANTES from Boston Baroque.  No data to rate.  Boston Baroque changed his name to Boston Charlie, got confused and married himself.  Their child, Boston Market, founded a chain of Frozen Yogurt shops in Syracuse.

1:00-4:00 NRK KLASSISK and NRK P2, also LATVIA RADIO KLASSIKA at 2:30: LES PECHEURS DU PERLE from Copenhagen.  2 F.K.  Larry Brownlee just signed to play Joe in Quentin Tarentino’s remake of “Showboat,” which will be re-titled “Oh shit, there are corpses all over the riverbank.”

1:00-5:00 RADIO CLASICA DE ESPANA: AGRIPPINA from Ed Flanders.  2 F.K. For the first time in their 37-year run, “The Simpsons” will be through-sung.

1:00-5:00 RADIO 4 NETHERLANDS: DAS LABYRINTH.  2 F.K. A re-working of the Gian-Carlo Menotti original.

1:00-5:00 WCLV, WCNY: LA TRAVIATA from Houston.  4 F.K.  In an updating for “relevance,” Alfredo plays for the Oilers and gets caught using steroids.  Violetta gets him off by — well, by getting everybody involved off, as the case may be.

1:00-4:00 WRR: RUSALKA with Renee Fleming and Ben Heppner.  4 F.K.  That’s Renee Fleming, as in “Renee Fleming.”  Renee Fleming !

1:20-5:00 DR P2 KLASSISK: Handel’s AGRIPPA from Ghent — I think this is supposed to be AGRIPPINA, because Handel never wrote an AGRIPPA.  At least I don’t think he did.  He may have.  If he didn’t he probably will.

2:00-6:00 KLARA, also RTP ANTENA 2: LOHENGRIN from Bayreuth with Klaus Florian Vogt and Annette Dasch.  3 F.K.  Yeah, there’s a mistake here somewhere, but it ain’t mine.

2:00-4:30 RADIO STEPHANSDOM: IL BARBIERE DI SIVIGLIA with Teresa Berganza, Lawrence Tibbett, and Orville Redenbacher. 2 F.K.

2:00-4:00 CESKY ROZHLAS VLTAVA: Cherubini’s LES DEUX JOURNEES.  2 F.K. Updated to the time of the Spanish Civil War but with costumes from the 1970’s because the designer just loves guys’ butts in bell-bottoms.

2:00-6:00 ESPACE 2: GIOVANNA D’ARCO.  2 F.K. It looks like they’re going to keep re-running this until somebody finally pays attention to Maria Agresta.

2:00-5:30 HR2 KULTUR: LA FORZA DEL DESTINO from Paris. 4 F.K. The F.K.-fest of the day.

2:00-7:00 LYRIC FM: RUSALKA from Goteborg.  3 F.K.  Nobody dared tell the director that despite the surface resemblance, this isn’t really THE LITTLE MERMAID.  Hence, this production features a lot of dancing crabs.

2:30-5:30 RADIO OESTERREICH and RADIO SLOVENIA TRETJE: Tchaikovsky’s THE ENCHANTRESS.  2 F.K. The only Tchaikovsky opera with no homo-erotic subtext.  And if you try to bring up THE OPRICHNIK, I will suggest you go back and read that libretto again.  Very, very carefully. And as for VOYEVODA . . . . WELL !

4:00-5:00 BARTOK RADIO: SUOR ANGELICA.  1 F.K.  It has to be good — they’re all dead!

Speaking of Dancing Crabs . . . See you in the Chat Room, although I’ll be on the veranduh.