Several things got into my inbox this week, calling into question my dependability and accuracy. While I dearly love having things thrust into my inbox, I suspect you have me confused with Joe Biden. To me, accuracy is a petulant bauble tossed about on the turbulent sea of my disdain. (Eat your heart out, Anthony Trollope!)  

No! No! Four times No. I merely extend to you the enchanting blandishments of delight which those with the moral turpitude of a Horace Walpole might find sufficient to lure them into a Chat Room this afternoon, lolling in uxorious dollops of avian terpsichore flitting in fitful flights over a fondue of phlegmatic fostication. If you want details, then please proceed with haste to operacast.com where details galore grow in gargantuan groves of glee.

Unhindered by the least tint if integrity, I offer a capsulization of today’s offerings.

Eleven performances are being heard for the first time this afternoon, and if I ain’t heard ’em, I can’t F.K. ’em. Still, steel could flash at any of the following.:

1. RIGOLETTO from Utah Opera. I understand that people do F.K. in Utah, but usually in groups.

2. Handel’s JEPHTHA from Welsh National Opera. It’s difficult to F.K. Handel because he won’t stand still.

3. Weinberg’s WIR GRATULIEREN is on a double bill with LADY MAGNESIA. I’ve heard the latter, and enjoyed it, which is the basis for my looking forward to the former.

4. Glass’ KEPLER from Spoleto. Is the Glass half-full, or just half-glassed?

5. ARIODANTE from the Bach Festival in (maybe?) Cracow. I see that “George” is rendered in Polish as “Jerzy,” which suggests that the Poles consider Handel either a sweater or a cow, and as I said before it’s difficult to F.K. a sweating cow.

6. TRISTAN UND ISOLDE in concert from Paris. One star does not a constellation make. Stemme, yes. Connolly, Rose, maybe. Franz and Roth don’t entice me.

7. BORIS GODUNOV from Madrid. Groissbeck is trying to move into the top tier of basses. Well, maybe, but I’d rather F.K. Uria-Monzon and Nikitin in Polish.

8. DIDO AND AENEAS from Malmo. The operatic equivalent of a quickie. (Maybe we could call it a “F.K.ie“) It’s over with before you know whether you enjoyed it or not.

9. PIQUE DAME. Wasn’t someone just asking what Alexanders Antonenko was up to? (Besides six-foot-three, I mean.) Well, here he is in all his sweaty glory. And isn’t that Elena Obratsova I see there, playing the Old Countess? Get out your F.K.s, folks.

10. IL TRITTICO from Vienna with Racette as at least two of the three heroines. The only way it could get any F.K.-ier is if she caro-ed the babbini as well.

11. THE DAMNATION OF FAUST from Vlaamse Opera. As long as only a few people have heard him, Michael Spyres can be touted as the next big thing in heroique lyrique tenoriques. But what’s he like if you really listen to him? Hands up everybody who would like to F.K. Michael Spyres.

Of those operas which have been broadcast previously, several have special appeal to spawn enough partisanship to provoke healthy discussion.

XERXES from San Francisco with Susan Graham (yay!) and Sonia Prina (yuch.)

LE NOZZE DI FIGARO from San Francisco. Luca Pisaroni (I’ll be on the veranduh), Danielle DeNiese (quite good, I thought) and Soile Isokowski (oh dear.)

LA GIOCONDA from Amsterdam — Eva Maria Westbroeck is okay, but Luciana d’Intino blows her out of the water. (Speaking of being blown out of the water, I’m still out on the veranduh with Luca) (and the dogs.)

ROBERTO DEVEREUX. Edita Gruberova has got to be Queen of the F.K.-ers.

LE COUR DE CELIMENE. Very few people have even heard of this opera, let alone listened to it. That’s a shame, because it’s delightful.

COSI FAN TUTTE. The Diva Who Never Was — Pilar Lorengar.

Not implying that these next are dead in the water, but there’s not a lot here to stimulate, one way or the other.

CARMEN from San Francisco.
FROM THE HOUSE OF THE DEAD – Vienna.
NIXON IN CHINA from San Francisco.
DER FLIEGENDE HOLLANDER form ROH.
CAPRICCIO from Paris or L’EDUCATION MANQUEE, and LA CAMBIALE DI MATRIMONIO.
NIXON IN CHINA — commercial release
Vivaldi’s FARNACE from Lucerne.
Haydn’s LA VERA COSTANZA
Donizetti’s LE DUC D’ALBE.
RUSLAN UND LUDMILLA from Moscow.
RUSALKA from Goteborg