Worried about the future of opera in America? Don’t be! Lyric Opera of Chicago’s most recent crowing press release outlines a simple method by which any opera company can stay in the black!

Step One: Choose a limited repertoire concentrating on chestnuts of the 19th century. Don’t program anything earlier than Mozart or newer than Madama Butterfly (one of the company’s two 20th century works last season; the other was Rusalka.)

Step Two: Do opera only 75% of the time. Expend the remainder of your company’s not-for-profit resources on reviving a done-to-death half-century old musical comedy, mostly without opera singers and completely with obtrusive electronic amplification.

Step Three: Fill in any gaps in the budget with monies from the ironically named “Breaking New Ground Fund.”

See how easy that is? Any idiot can do it.