The Imaginarium of Dr. LaCieca
La Cieca (pictured) asks you to join her for a journey to a parallel universe where many of the things you see and hear will be familiar to you, whilst other details will seem so bizarre as to seem the merest raving of a lunatic. (This last role, a bit but a juicy one, will by played by your own doyenne.)
So let us imagine, then, in this similar-but-not-same place, there exists an opera house, called, oh, let us say “The Cosmopolitan Opera.” This organization is helmed by a very clever fellow (some would even call him a “freaking genius”), and this gentleman’s name is Peter Geld. Earlier this season at the Cosmopolitan, as part of his quest to bring newness and vitality to what is after all a very old art form, Mr. Geld has mothballed a fairly popular, very traditional production of an opera called Fosca. This production was directed originally by a legendary figure called, well, how about ”Franco Lusinghieri?”
This staging of Fosca was replaced by a new one, rather drab, if truth be told, by another, younger director named Luc Blondie. The Blondie Fosca was booed rather loudly on opening night by the well-dressed Cosmopolitan audience, received decidedly mixed reviews, and (so one hears) doesn’t look or sound like much of anything when seen on television. (Parenthetically — thus the parentheses — the illness and subsequent cancellation of conductor Jimmy Divine has not helped matters.)
And yet Mr. Geld has loyally and tirelessly defended the quality of this staging (and, by extension, the soundness of his judgment) ever since that fateful prima.
All right then. So, while we are indulging in our little mental exercise concerning these personages and events belonging to a universe like our own, but not our own, let us peer some months into the future — to the month of September 2010, in fact, when the Cosmopolitan Opera opens its new season. Rumor (a powerful force, no matter what universe you’re in) has it that the opening night of that season will feature a shiny new staging of the opera Das Rhinestone by the avant-garde director Robert Lefolio — an ambitious production with unusually bulky and cumbersome sets.
Naturally, the opening weeks of the season will include other works, such as the popular potboiler Fosca. But what would you say, cher public, if you were to hear that in this parallel universe that is in some but by no means all ways like our own, Peter Geld is going to announce that, instead of reviving the new Blondie Fosca, he will put the old Lusinghieri production back into the repertoire?
Now, would Peter Geld really do that, do you think, cher public? And, if so, why? Could it be that the Rhinestone production is so elaborate and difficult to shift that it could work only with the simpler(?) Lusinghieri sets? Or could the whole “scene change” issue be a mere face-saving ploy for Geld’s 86ing of the (admittedly) failed Blondie Fosca?
Well, enough of this purely hypothetical mental exercise about the parallel universe. Thank goodness in our own dear universe such bizarre contretemps never occur!
I’m confused. Are the Blondie Fosca set more elaborate than the Lusinghieri ones? As for the bulkiness factor, when the Jacques O’Bree Il Titicci opened, it was the biggest Cosmo production aside from Lusinghieri’s Tiramisot. And yet, during that season, they had both productions back-to-back on a Saturday (mat and eve).
I love this parallel universe. I would like to visit it.
Yes, but one must remember that the Fluc Blondie “Fosca” is not representative of his best work, or of his work in toto as seen in Europa. Of more import for the 2010-11 season at the Cosmopolitan Opera is the scheduled new production of “La Trovatella” that was to be the regie production by Silly Focker from the Schmalzburg Festival. You know the one that originally starred Hanna Hotredko and Orlando Downatone?
Well Hotredko decided she didn’t want to repeat herself and canceled her participation. So Silly Billingsgate and Jonathan Fiend got another Russian babe Marjana Poptartskaya who is a big Britanna fave to sing in the premiere. Do we think that Geld is going to let that happen? I mean Hanna told pup reporter Hackary Vixen in her interview that she thinks that they have dropped that new production. More Zeffirelli revivals on the horizon at the Cosmopolitan?
I meant “Lusinghieri revivals” of course…
I was gonna say “who’s this Zeffirelli fella you’re talking about?”
I don’t get some of the above comments. Surely Mufftitila and Elviruz are among the biggest international stars today, and Gnashgnawit is having a big career (and was a replacement). Later, one, Koughmom who is on the brink of truly major world stardom arrives (or doesn’t) and Mauricetanze is hardly sliced cheese even if he’s getting up there. Geld is still trying to get the biggies (isn’t Nyettreble-Dumkuntovitch [her entire named] getting a huge fee for just Antonia, when the idea was she would attempt all three roles?). Whether he has the filthy lucre to lure the highest paid people to Swinefluville remains to be obscene and maybe not heard. But he is trying for what passes as stars today. And indications are your grandchildren will never have heard of the greatest of yesteryear let alone be hearing equivalents down the road.
Meanwhile, while there’s such a thing as fool’s geld, at least he’s trying to upgrade the big opera house with the dullest derrière garde productions in history. No one can be sure whether a production will really work, until it’s on stage (even if the pitch and sketches were great)and even the best go bust now and then. But surely the attempt to do something new is better than demothballing the unsightly but florid boils of Lusinghieri-scabi (his full name).
So happy to see you back.
“derrière garde” is so apt! what a great turn of phrase! thank you.
Mattila is a big “star” but wrongity wrong wrong in Puccini. The problem here is that .. er.. Geld has assumed star+soprano=great tosca, and we know that’s just not true.
I think Geld wasn’t so off-base when he cast Mufftitila as Fosca. Not every Fosca is going to be Italianate. It’s no different than casting Bridget Nelson or Holly Berensy in the role. It was a risk worth taking, IMO. (God, I stink at coming up alternate names).
See that’s what I’m saying. I doubt everyone got their pantaloons in such a wad when Luba Hellitch sang Fosca, and she was hardly Italianate, being from Fulgaria and all (does this extend to country names?)
I have nothing against Mufftitila, though I don’t think she was a great Tuska, or Hardon Letgo and in fact I think her best vulval days are past. I think many know what I think of Helltoregard Burntendz. Hereget Nihilism was a very great singer with technique for eons and sang the hell out of the role, whether dagout or not. Her recording with Fruckmi Torrentelli is thrilling but she was quite something live if within then conventional lines in terms of her behavior and fond of kicking her baritones in the balls for fun.
I am completely open to a non-italianate sound for Fosca (Squirrel is probably the least Opera Queen in this realm, far less so even than supposed non Opera Queen La Cieca). I just think maybe Mattila is beyong the point she should be trying this. The production is steely and the high notes not there and in act 3 she was hooting and whooping terribly. I loved her as salome in 2003 (was it?) but much of it was the dramatic presentation. How do you call it, Kunst Diva? Yeah.
I don’t mean to suggest that her Fosca was a success. I just meant that on paper, it wasn’t a bad move by Geld.
What with Name the Regie and now the Alternate Universe, this has become my favorite site in any universe.
I’m just sorry the Cosmo never put on Les Huge Nuts with Fuckme Corelli.
I also missed Verdi’s Ray Leer with Tito Gobsmack and Mirella Frenzy and Irene Feral.
The Caria Malice Foscas were the ultimate glamour nights at the Old Cosmo…or are all you guys too young to remember the standing lines for that?
Apparently the people at Sirius XM are now doing archived performances from our Alternate Universe.
All of next week’s Otellos star James MaCracken.
Don’t you think Scarah Appalin was impregnated by Leviticus Johnsclogged when preggers with her Jesus loves it ‘special’ child, which is why she tried for a divine abortion by proceeding to give a speech after her water broke, getting on a plane in labor (against the law) and driving to Wassila having contractions? That would make an opera just as a (famous American) composer was saying to me the other day, “I want desperation and screaming followed by sorrow!” Doubt Geld would commission that.
The Hoteliers next week probably have Leonine Wringsyourneck as Deskdemoaner. Those were the greatest third and fourth acts I have ever seen in that opera (note, I don’t say heard) and the eruption in the audience as big Dimsum McNutcracker beat her offstage at the end of ‘dio ti giocondi’ was something I have never encountered anywhere else. There were screams of horror. Of course people also cried out when she fought him tooth and nail on her death bed as he beat the shit out of her then crushed her throat. Somehow opera isn’t like that any longer, though life is more like that. Strange.
Leonine and Wan’Myeggo Floorzez as Scarah and Leviticus might make an opera? Oh right Leonine lives only in the collective unconscious of all sentient beings.
Estimable Mme. Claggart.
What year were those Otellos, please?
Everyone tries to diss Leonie’s Desdemona but I love it. Hate good little donnina bionda interpretations of the part, as recently seen in San Francisco.
Hope you stick around for the holidaze. I wouldn’t say that P. Box was dull without you, hardly, but it is so greatly enhanced by Your Presence.
If there are any more Frida Leider stories I would so appreciate hearing about her. Also, did Gertrud Bindernagel’s husband go to prison for what he did to her?
Thanks,
yours truly –
Camile
SF’s Desdemona, Svetlana Vassileva, was certainly passive. But up against Johan Bohta, you can’t put up much of a struggle or he’ll forget to fight back and strangle you.
Or worse, Run away from you.
Botha has a terrific voice, but I’ve only had the unfortunate chance of hearing him in Italian roles, his Met debut as Canio, par example.
I would like to hear him in Meistersinger or Fidelio or goodness knows, anything, besides roles which call for temperament, as he has got the voice but no piss nor pizazz. I am sorry, as I would love it if he did.
He mostly sat on a bench in S.F., and I must say that after witnessing Mr. Domingo’s Otello death scene in March, which he pulled out of his hat somehow at age 169, there was no comparison (yes I KNOW he only sang the final scene, but still…). I know there have been placid Otellos, but really, that’s like an unsexy Carmen, say Margaret Harshaw swinging her hips and gnashing her teeth! Just imagine!
These Not-so-Serious XXX MaCracken Otellos are from 1967 with Montsy Cowboylay and Tito Gobsmack. Wasn’t it Ben Hapless who used to ask, “Howya like ma crackin’?”
Thank you Camille. They were in 1964. She was heavily booed after acts one and two but left them dead in the aisles after the last two acts. Rudeoaf Sling closed standing room for the b’cast but an in house is better.
Thank YOU, Mme. Claggart!
Leonie was equal parts Heaven and Hell. I love them both.
Merci, Grand Scribe!