La Cieca, you know, is all for modernizing opera stagings to appeal to the young — up to and including (ahem) the use of frank sexual references, even in the works of the divine Mozart.

But even your broad-minded doyenne must come to the conclusions that Dallas Opera has gone too far this time! (“Can we say it?…a truly surreal wining and dining experience,” the promo copy reads. Honey, I believed you the first time!)