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12:00-3:30 WFMT American Opera Network: Hinkel Schiess stages BORIS GODUNOV for Chicago in a huge refrigerator with the Russian scenes in the freezer and the Polish scenes in the vegetable crisper. Worth a listen for Furlanetto; 2 F.K. Except no one told Schiess that this edition eliminates the Polish scene, so he has the cast assemble on-stage for 45 minutes improvising Doo-Wop.

11:00-2:00: From the workshop of Robert LePale, a giant flyswatter to take care of flying pests like hornets, Dutchmen, and the like. LRT KLASIKA, 3 F.K.

1:00-5:00 CBC TWO (Start times are staggered because it’s always 1:00 somewhere in Canada.) 1 F.K. because aficionados are so happy to see it staged at all that they’re not going to bitch. Two boxes of breakfast cereal sit on a shelf. The Rice Krispies want to be Cheerios aNd the Cheerios want to be Rice Krispies. But because they are ‘unopened,’ (oh, the sexual symbolism simply oozes!) nothing happens, which makes PELLEAS ET MELISANDE seem downright bombastic by comparison.

1:00-4:00. A scullery-based production of LA CENERENTOLA seemed too obvious, so Guy Legnano and his Jolly Canadians have turned off all the lights and play it in the dark. ESPACE MUSIQUE, no data to rank

1:00-5:00: Emil Tooch’s take on LE NOZZE DI FIGARO is that it all take place on a stove where tempers are simmering, except for the Countess, who is imprisoned in the oven. BBC, 3 F.K.

1:00-4:00: Not having a prior body of productions to rebel against, Harry Wooster had to look at the scores of Weingartner’s DIE DORFSCHULE and Orff’s GISEI. Whispering privately to the conductor, he said, “You just play it and I’ll make sure nobody bumps into anybody.” DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR, no data to rank.

1:00-5:00: Carmen Truderei has placed two dozen old-fashioned washing machines on stage. The cast puts their titos in the wringer and they all scream “Clemenza” for three hours. DWOJKA POLSKIE, 3 F.K.

1:00-5:00: With a ‘faux set” of lovers, and with emotions running hot and cold, it seems only right that COSI FAN TUTTE be staged in a sink. Alfonso seems rather drained by it all, but Despina is on tap. FRANCE MUSIQUE, 3 F.K., just to deal with Camilla Nylund.

1:30-5:00: NPR World of Opera Vivaldi’s L’ORACOLO IN MESSINA, 2 F.K., has been re-worked by Tewfil Lorchawa to reflect the tribulations of a woman who drops her glasses down the garbage disposal.

1:00-5:00: The perfect metaphor for the metronomic Herr Haydn’s LA VERA COSTANZA would be an egg-timer. NPR affiliates, 2 F.K.

1:00-4:00: The ubiquitous Ferruccio Furlanetto is running competition with himself as BORIS GODUNOV. But whether it’s Vienna or Chicago, he still hasn’t found Poland. NRK Klassik, 2 F.K.

1:00-4:00: ORLANDO means orange juice, so Cecil Seuss Swanson has staged the Handel opera as an expose of working conditions in a Sunkist processing plant — but with really divine costuming. RADIO 4 NETHERLANDS, 3 F.K.

1:00-5:00: Schweitzer’s ROSAMUNDE. This is new to me, but the little I’ve heard (my copy just arrived today) suggests it will be no more boring than most of the other stuff on the docket. (We used to have a cook named Rosie Mundy, but I’m sure she’s dead now. Or maybe not.)

1:00-5:00. When you’re trying to revive a long-forgotten moribund miscarriage like Halevy’s LE MAGICIENNE, it’s a waste of time to stage it as a bloody rebellion in a broom closet, even though you dress them all like Swiffers. RTP ANTENNA 2, 4 F.K.

1:00-5:00: It will be no surprise that Sparkie McHannus has chosen to emphasize the sexual tensions in LUCIA DI LAMMERMOOR by staging it on a huge condiment tray. Lucy is oil, Henry is vinegar, Edgar is mustard, and Raymond Bide-a-bent is catsup in one of those plastic dispensers that if you squeeze it in the middle, it squirts all over you. (I used to go with a guy like that.)

1:00-5:00: WRR will not be airing the commercial recording of PORGY AND BESS because someone leaked to The Gershwin Trust that Lorin Maazel is Caucasian. (You mean, nobody knew?)

1:00-6:00: Mary Zimmerbella draws on her sit-com roots for THE RETURN OF THE CORKSCREW with Peter Quint as the wacky neighbor who is always borrowing stuff — like your kid. LYRIC FM, 3 F.K.

2:00-5:30: RADIO STEPHANSDOM RUSLAN AND LUDMILA in a pretty good recording from the Mariinsky, 3 F.K. mainly because it has Netrebko. The plot features a scene with a giant head, which I guess puts us back in the bathroom again.

2:00-5:00: A Bach recital with Ian Bostridge. And when he’s done singing you can poke him down the drain to find that ring you lost.

2:00-6:00: Mercadante’s CARITEA, REGINA DI ESPAGNA. ESPACE 2. I don’t know this opera, but generally I like Mercadante. I also like Una Merkel. And Helmut Dantine. And Dentyne chewing gum. And I’ve reached Kevin Bacon in only five steps.

2:00-4:00: HR2 KULTUR. “Frau Luna und Ihre Verwandten.” Your guess is as good as mine, but I know she’s not going to last in Vegas unless she changes the name of her group.

2:00-4:30: LOVE FOR THREE ORANGES. Cecil Seuss Swanson has staged the Prokofiev opera as an expose of working conditions . . . wait a minute ! The sunuvabitch has used the same staging for two different operas. Seuss! You’re sued. You’re sued, Seuss!

2:00-5:00: MITRIDATE, RE DI PONTO. Not many people know that the historical Mithridatos was elevated to sainthood by Pope Pontilius III in 489 A.D. He is now employed as the Patron Saint of Light, so it is fitting that Bartlett Pear’s production consists in nothing more than a vast banque of blinding lights shining directly in the audience’s eyes. A brilliant achievement. RADIO TRE, 3 F.K.

4:00-6:00: NDR KULTUR ORPHEE AUX ENFERS, 2 F.K., in a recording which features Pluto giving head to Euridice, so we’re back in the bathroom again.

The chat, as always, is in La Casa della Cieca.

It’s a beautiful day for the races here at Parterre Park for the 55th Annual Swish Stakes, second leg of the world reknowned Triple Tiara. There’s an extraordinarily crowded field — 31 entrants — but by far the favorite is DON CARLO (1:00 RADIO 4 NETHERLANDS) despite earlier reports that he was brought up lame with the substitution of Massimo Giordano Marcelo Alvarez for Andrew Richards.

Strong contenders are ROMEO ET JULIETTE from Vancouver Opera (CBC TWO, at whatever time it happens to be in Canada) with Gordon Gietz as Romeo and Peter Volpe just standing around.; LA CLEMENZA DI TITO with Elina Garanca (DWOJKA POLSKIE at 1:00 and LATVIA RADIO KLASIKA at 2:00); and CYRANO DE BERGERAC from Madrid with Placido Domingo in the saddle (RADIO CLASICA DE ESPANA at 1:00)

A trio of yearlings are making their first appearance on any track. Judith Weir‘s MISS FORTUNE and Gerald Barry‘s THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST from BBC at 1:00; Nicola Porpora‘s SEMIRAMIS at 1:20 on DR P2; and de Marco Antonio Portugal’s LO SPAZZACAMINO PRINCIPE at 2:00 on ESPACE 2. Wait, that makes four, doesn’t it? Hey, ya want John Nash, call Russell Crowe. Which brings up another subject. Why would anybody name their kid “Portugal”? I don’t think we have any composers named ‘Fred Massachusetts’ or ‘Elsie Oklahoma.” And if you bring up Emma Nevada, you’re just going to make me mad. Or Paolo Washington. Or Joe Montana.

In the middle of the pack for the Run for the Forsythias are quite a few who come up lame in the stretch. WERTHER with Rolando Villazon (11:00, LRT KLASIKA); TALES OF HOFFMAN from Chicago (various stations, various time); LA GIOCONDA (1:30 CESKY ROZHLAS); LE COMTE ORY from Geneva (1:30 NPR); I VESPRI SICILIANI from Geneva ( 1:00 RTP Antena 2), EUGENE ONEGIN from Los Angeles (1:00 KUSC); MAHAGONNY (1:00 DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR), and LUCIA DI LAMMERMOOR from Chicago (1:00 WFMT) despite the efforts of jockey Susanna Philips.

Some entries are from stables with good track records. NIXON IN CHINA from Canadian Opera (ESPACE MUSIQUE at noon); DIE WALKURE from Vienna (2:00 KLARA): ORLANDO from Brussells (1:00 NRK KLASSIK); LUISA MILLER from Florence (2:00 RADIO SLOVENIA TRETJI); and PETER GRIMES from La Scala (2:00 RADIO TRE), plus one thoroughbred, DIE WALKURE from Covent Garden, 1957, with Rudolf Kempe riding Birgit Nilsson hard. (2:00 RADIO STEPHANSDOM)

Rounding out the field:
Matthias Goerne sings “Winterreise” at 1:00 on BR KLASSIK
A fundraiser on KBYU at 1:00
Rene Jacobs‘ recording of COSI on WRR at 1:00
DIE ZAUBERFLOTE on BARTOK RADIO at 1:30
THE JACOBIN on RADIO OESTERREICH at 1:30
OBERTO on SVERIGES P2 at 1:30
IOLANTA and FRANCESCA DA RIMINI on LYRIC FM at 1:00
SWANWHITE and ALADDIN on RAI AUDITORIUM at 3:00
SAINT LUDMILA on CESKY ROZHLAS at 3:52

and . . . . . THEY’RE OFF !

11:00-2:00 LRT KLASIKA: First, for Liana there’s UN BALLO IN MASCHERA from the Lithuanian National Opera, which is almost Poland, if you don’t look too close.  3 F.K. because not even in Lithuania can they find enough singers to do this one properly.

11:40-1:00 RADIO CLASICA DE ESPANAL: Straussmonster gets Beethoven’s Ninth with Riccardo Chailly .  It was supposed to be a Fifth, but the collapse of the bond market has made me economize.  1 F.K. because nobody can ever pay attention long enough to find fault.

12:25-2:00 YLE KLASSINEN: Busoni’s ARLECCHINO has Henry Holland’s name all over it, because it is both esoteric and worthy of more notice.  This is a classic performance from Glyndebourne, but even so, 2 F.K.

1:00-4:00 WFMT AMERICAN OPERA Network: LES CONTES D’HOFFMANN  – is just for our dear Louanniaettaia, who can tell you more about Matthew than anybody needs to know.  3 F.K., particularly for the end of the Antonia scene which still has the critics baffled.

1:00-4:00 BBC: THE DEATH OF KLINGHOFER .  Okay, Op/Neo, “this” one is for “you,” since it has “enough” political implications “in” it to populate “several”  soap”boxes.”  3 F.K.

1:00-4:15 DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR: TANNHAUSER from Berlin - This could be pretty good, but I doubt it.  It’s got Nerva Nelli’s name on it.  3 F.K.

1:00-5:00 FRANCE MUSIQUE: And for MrMyster, we have NIXON IN CHINA from Paris -  4 F.K., since it has both Sumi Jo and June Anderson, but no Steber.

1:00-6:00 HR2 KULTUR: Let’s brighten up the day for Faninal with LES CONTES D’HOFFMANN from Darmstadt,  There should be more to bitch about here than in a month’s worth of Gruberova recitals.  4 F.K.

1:00-4:00 KBYU, WCNY, WHRO, WQED, WQXR: I can’t think of a better gift for basso profundo than the Met National Council Auditions Finals - surely among all those desparate, ambitious sopranos, there’s going to be one willing to serve as a repository for his manly fluids.

1:00-4:30 LATVIA RADIO KLASIKA: HERCULES from Chicago, (2 F.K.) goes to Ian from Down Under, who should certainly find a good use for an Eric Owens of his very own.

1:00-4:00 NRK P2: CruzSF should find THE MAKROPULOS CASE from Kungelige a worthy companion to his scrapbook of Karita Mattila memorabilia, if only as a point of comparison.  2 F.K.

1:00-5:00 RADIO 4 NETHERLANDS: Ruby, honey, I tried to find you something with plants and food, but alas, nada.  So instead, here’s Martinu’s JULIETTA, which is a most mysterious and fragile what’s-it.  1 F.K. because no one can ever quite figure out what’s going on.

1:00-5:00 RADIO CLASICA DE ESPANA and DWOJKE POLSKIE: ORLANDO  from Brussels, (2 F.K., just because it’s obscure and unfamiliar, and Handel.) FragendeFrau, this one’s for you because you’re from North Carolina, and Orlando is down there in North Carolina, or Tallahassee, or one of those states.

1:00-5:00 RTP ANTENA 2: Phoenix will have such fun recording I DUE FOSCARI from Paris (3 F.K.), because nobody can survive with just ONE Foscarus.  By the way, it’s a little-known fact, but there were actually FIVE Foscari, but three of them left home early to tour the college circuit as The Kingston Trio.

1:00-4:00 NPR World of Opera: Handel’s TESEO from Gottingen - speaking of obscure and unfamiliar and Handel, I don’t have enough information on this one to rate it.   Why the F.K. would anybody name a state Tallahassee?  Or Gottingen?

1:00-5:00 WRR: Bluecabochon should find something to munch on in WERTHER from ROH with Rolando Villazon.  4 F.K. as we all make book on when he’s going to crack, and why Andrea Bocelli would do it better.

1:30-5:00 RADIO OESTERREICH: BrooklynPunk can wrestle Eva Maria Westbroek to the ground in this LA GIOCONDA from the Netherlands.  Luciana d’Intino outsings her, which makes this a 3 F.K.

1:30-5:00 SVERIGES P2: ATYS from Paris goes to Donna_Carlo, who will immediately assume that because it’s French, it’s a dildo.   1 F.K. (see HANDEL)

2:00-6:00 ESPACE 2: DER ROSENKAVALIER from Geneva 3 F.K., goes to Bluesweet, because it’s the only standard repertory opera not being done in Philadelphia this year.

1:00-6:00 LYRIC FM
I’m giving A Placido Domingo celebration to Camille, so she can stick it in her keepsake box.  (“Stick THAT in your keepsake box.”)

2:00-5:00 RADIO SLOVENIA TRETJI: Clita-del-Toro, how would you like BORIS GODUNOV? – OperaCast gives no indication of who (or what !) is singing, but I suspect it’s a re-airing of the Ferruccio Furlanetto performance, which makes it very good, indeed, and meriting 2 F.K.

2:00-5:00 RADIO STEPHANSDOM: DAS RHEINGOLD — including a Hans Hotter Wotan and a Joan Sutherland Rhine Maiden 1957 (2 F.K.)  is destined for the stocking of MarshieMarkII, who should be hard put to point out anything in it that Behrens did better.

2:00-5:00 RADIO TRE: LUCIA DI LAMMERMOOR from Naples with Jessica Pratt – in this staging (3 F.K., because while the soprano will be impressive, the males will leave much to be desired) “sulla tomba” is sung while Lucia and Edgardo make love in the shower.  So who would be more deserving than mikedfw?

4:25-6:00 CESKY ROZHLAS D-Dur: And, saving the best for the last, M. Croche gets Sofia Gubajdulina’s JANOVY - because it’s the most obscure thing on the list and the one most likely to be sung in Azerbaijani.

Happy Tit Bunnies to all, and to all, happy chatting !

La Casa della Cieca will be open for the occasion, and the broadcast can be accessed at WQXR’s Operavore minisite.

Photo: Michal Daniel.

• Listen on Sirius
• Listen on “Listen Live”
• Program, including synopsis
• List of musical numbers
• La Casa della Cieca

All chats will transpire (where else but) La Casa della Cieca.

The performance starts at 7:30 PM EST and may be heard on Sirius and on the Met’s Listen Live stream. The chat will be, as always, at La Casa della Cieca.

11:00-2:15 LRT KLASIKA: MITRIDENTALDATE from Munich – 3 F.K. — Listen to Barry Banks without novocaine!

11:00-1:00 NRK KLASSISK : A Gerald Finley rectal – 2 F.K. Amateur proctology is all the rage in the Home Counties, right, Vicar?

1:00-3:00 CONCERTZENDER: Wilhelm de Fesch’s JOSEPH – No data to rate.  Potiphar’s wife wouldn’t be so bad if she had a little less phar in her pot.

1:00-5:00 FRANCE MUSIQUE: DECAPULETI E I MONTECCHI from Lyon – 3 F.K. Any more of Evelino Pido’s conducting and you’ll be praying for the blade to fall.

1:00-4:00 NRK KLASSIK and NRK P2: Tchaikovsly’s VOYEVODA – No data to rate.  Voy has lost his Voda, and must face the hostility in the village toward the vodaless.

1:00-5:00 RADIO CLASSICA DE ESPANA: Glinka’s RUSTMAN AND CAMILLA - No data to rate.  A dedicated Parterre-poster and her never-ending struggle against deteriorating metal.

1:00-5:00 RTP ANTENA 2: MAN AND LET’S GO - Met, March 23, 1968 – 1 F.K. Marriage to a restless wife proves to be Hell on Earth for a terminal tarrier.

1:00-5:00 VPR, WCLV: PETER GRINDER from Houston – 3 F.K. Not content with ball-busting, Ellen Orford ratchets it up a notch.

1:00-4:30 WETA: TANNHOWSER from Bayreuth, 2011 – 4 F.K. Neil Patrick “Doogie” Harris will never live this one down.

1:00-4:30 WCFL, KBIAZ, WABE: THE FLAYING DUTCHMAN from ROH – 4 F.K. A serial hog-butcher in old New York.
1:00-4:30 WFMT Network: TOSSCAP from Houston – 2 F.K. Annapolis graduates have to assume the identity of the person whose hat they get back.

2:00-4:30 CESKY ROZHLAS VLTAVA: MOSCA – Met, 1962 – 1 F.K.  The tempestuous Roman diva is replaced by the servant guy from Volpone, causing great consternation in the Super Str8 Baron Scarpia.

2:00-4:30 DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR: THE TURN OF THE THUMBSCREW – 2 F.K. The conductor chooses rrreeeaallll ssllllooowww tempi so that you have to listen to eeevvvrrryyyy note.

2:00-6:00 ESPACE 2: THE MIKADO from Chicago – 3 F.K. “Elliptical billiard balls” says it all.

2:00-6:00 KLARA: L’INFLUENZA DI TITO – 3 F.K. Colin Davis leads this production from Orange, arranged for theorbo and catarrh.

2:00-7:00 LYRIC FM: WHETHER from ROH – 4 F.K.   ”Will Villazon make it through it, or will he explode?”

2:00-5:00 RADIO CLOVENIA TRETJI: THE MAKROPULOS CASKET from Florence – 2 F.K. Cooped up in a very small place with Angela Denoke.

2:00-5:30 RADIO STEPHANSDOM: WILLIAM TAIL — 3 F.K.  An arrow in the ass is a helluva way for a father to behave.

Chat (if you dare!) at La Casa della Cieca.

Miss Bobolink

11:00-2:00 LRT KLASIKA RUSALKA from Glyndebourne 2 F.K. “You have just heard the shape-shifting ending of Dvorak’s miscegenational RUSALKA, with Ana Maria Martinez, Brandon Jovanovich, and Mel Ferrer.”

11:00-1:00 NRK KLASSISK An Anna Prohaska recital Not enough data to rate. “You have just heard the Prohaska ending of the Anna recital, with Anna Prohaska.” (This isn’t as easy as it looks.).

12:00-5:00 DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR LOHENGRIN from Berlin — 3 F.K. “You have just heard the WTF ending of Wagner’s proto-political LOHENGRIN with Klaus Florian Vogt, Annette Dasch, and Rima the bird girl.”

12:00-4:00 ESPACE MUSIQUE TANN HAUSER from Bayreuth — 4 F.K. “You have just heard the horticultural ending of Wagner’s omni-sexual TANNHAUSER with Lars Clevemann, Camilla Nylund, and Ava Gardner.”

1:00-5:00 CBC TWO, also ESPACE 2 at 2:00 IPHIGENIE EN TAURIDE — 3 F.K. “You have just heard the heart-warming ending of Gluck’s family-values opera with Susan Graham and the Menendez brothers.”

1:00-5:00 DWOJKA POLSKIE, FRANCE MUSIQUE, others Verdi’s OBERTO — No data to rate. “You have just heard the oom-pah-pah ending of Verdi’s oom-pah-pah-filled OBERTO with Michele Pertusi, Maria Guleghina, and a host of others who want to add the opera to their repertoire before it disappears for another handred years.”

1:00-4:00 NRK KLASSISK DER FLIEGENDE HOLLANDER from ROH — 3 F.K. “You have just heard the cliff-hanging ending of Wagner’s ultra-neutrotic FLYING DUTCHMAN with Anya Kampe, Egil Solins, and Natalie Wood.”

1:00-5:00 RTP ANTENA 2 TOSCA from the Met — 2 F.K. “You have just heard the rather jumpy ending of Puccini’s gossamer comedy TOSCA, with Leontyne Price, Franco Corelli, and Silvio Berlusconi.”

1:00-4:00 VPR, WCLV, WFMT LUCIA DI LAMMERMOOR from Houston. 3 F.K. “You have just heard the stabbing ending of Donizetti’s penetrating drama LUCIA DI LAMMERMOOR, with Albina Shagimuratova and SONNY TUFTS ? ! ? !”

1:00-5:00 NPR World of Opera THE JACOBIN. 2 F.K. “You have just heard the peasantly-pleasant ending of Dvorak’s pleasantly-peasant THE JACOBIN, with Jacob Marley, Jakob Riis, and Jake, the guy down at the Seven-Eleven who always wants to show you his appendectomy scar.”

1:00-5:00 WFMT Network PETER GRIMES. No data to rate. “You have just heard the water-logged ending of Britten’s provincial PETER GRIMES, with Anthony Dean Griffey and Natalie Wood again.”

1:20-4:30 DR P2 KLASSISK LA DONNA DEL LAGO. 2 F.K. “You have just heard the spirited ending of Rossini’s incomprehensible LA DONNA DEL LAGO with Joyce Di Donato, Juan Diego Florez, and Nessie in her only operatic appearance before she sinks to the bottom again.”

1:30-5:00 BARTOK RADIO THE BARTERED BRIDE. 3 F.K. “You have just heard the rustic ending of Smetana’s dirndl-clad BARTERED BRIDE, with Dorothea Roschmann, Kurt Streit, and Kim Kardashian.”

1:30-5:00 BBC 3 LA SONNAMBULA from ROH. No data to rate, but it ain’t gonna be good. “You have just heard the hastily-contrived ending of Bellini’s narcoleptic LA SONNAMBULA with Eglise Guittierez, River Phoenix, and Aristotle Onassis.”

2:00-5:00 CESKY ROZHLAS VLTAVA DALIBOR, Prague, 1950. 2 F.K. “You have just heard the fervently nationalistic ending of Dvorak’s fervently nationalistic DALIBOR, with Beno Blachut, Marie Podvalova, and an all-star cast of native Czech speakers.”

2:00-6:00 KLARA DER FREISCHUTZ. 3 F.K. “You have just heard the pietistic ending of Weber’s badly-aimed DER FREISCHUTZ, with Andrew Kennedy, Sophie Karthauser, and Lee Harvey Oswald.”

2:00-5:00 RADIO STEPHANSDOM LE NOZZE DI FIGARO. 3 F.K. “You have just heard the non-gay ending of Mozart’s non-gay comedy, THE MARRIAGE OF NON-GAY FIGARO, with Boje Skovhus and Cecilia Bartoli. Special guests in the gala sequence include Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, John Edwards, Elliott Spitzer and numerous others who need a bandwagon to jump on.”

Even stranger bedfellows may be found at La Casa della Cieca.

The production is conducted by Leo Hussain and staged by Alex Ollé and Valentina Carrasco of La Fura dels Baus.  You can watch this Oedipe on the La Monnaie website beginning at 2:00 PM. As always on Saturday afternoons, La Casa della Cieca will be open for your chatting pleasure. (Thanks to Opera Cake for sharing the news about this video webcast.)

UPDATE: Alternatives to this video have just been announced by the happily resurgent Betsy.

12:00-4:00 ESPACE 2: THE INVENTOR by Bramwell Tovey — 2 F.K. The plot is intriguing, but the execution is a bit spotty.

12:10-2:30 LRT KLASIKA: RIGOLETTO from Vilnius 2 F.K. I’ve heard some good stuff out of Lithuania.

1:00-4:00 CBC TWO: THE MIKADO from Chicago — 2 F.K. This was good but not as good as I had hoped.

1:00-7:00 KBYU: DAS RHEINGOLD from San Francisco — 2 F.K. It suffers by comparison with the later three operas, all of which had Stimme.

1:00-4:30 WETA: RIGOLETTO from Washington — 2 F.K. Interest will center on Calleja as The Duke. The rest are serviceable.

1:00-4:30 NPR World of Opera: LUCREZIA BORGIA from Washington — 4 F.K. With Fleming and Grigolo in the cast, how could this be anything but a slugfest.

1:00-:30 WFMT Network: DEAD MAN WALKING from Houston — 2 F.K. I haven’t heard this, but the cast looks promising.

1:00-6:00 WQXR: GOTTERDAMMERUNG from San Francisco — 2 F.K. Okay, this is prime real estate. Stimme’ll knock your socks off.

2:00-6:00 BBC 3, also RADIO CLASICA DE ESPANA AT 2:00: Placido Domingo Gala — 4 F.K. just because it’s Domingo. A similar effort by a lesser mortal might pass unnoticed.

2:00-5:30 DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR: LES CONTES D’HOFFMANN from Munich — 4 F.K. Everybody gets through it fine, but it really should have been better.

2:00-6:00 FRANCE MUSIQUE: LULU from Paris — 2 F.K. Aikin, Larmore, Streit, Schone, Grundheber, Schonewandt. These folks all have good track records, but can they be molded into a Golden Age performance.

2:00-5:30 LATVIA RADIO KLASIKA: MITRIDATE from Munich — 2 F.K. Good talent wasted on an opera that would languish on the shelf if it weren’t by Mozart.

2:00-5:00 NRK KLASSISK: LA GIOCONDA from Amsterdam — 3 F.K. Westbroek has center stage but d’Intino is the winner.

2:00-6:00 RTP ANTENA 2: LA FORZA DEL DESTINO — The Met, 1956 — 2 F.K. Did they really sing better back in those days? Yes!

2:15-4:15 SVERIGES RADIO P2: WOZZECK from Norway, I think — A dark horse. I have no data to rate it.

2:15-3:45 YLE KLASSINEN: Mahler’s Symphony No. 8 — 3 F.K. A commercial release. Mahler’s 8th is always an event, except when Ozawa is conducting.

2:30-5:15 BARTOK RADIO: CARMEN from Hungary. 2000. I haven’t heard this, and there is not one name in the cast that I recognize. Lightning in a bottle or total boredom.

2:30-6:00 CESKY ROZHLAS VLTAVA: Dvorak’s ARMIDA — This station has scheduled all the Dvorak operas, and this one cames from 1956, the Golden Age of Czech singers with Ivo Zidek leading the pack.

3:00-7:00 ESPACE 2, also RADIO SLOVENIA TRETJE: THE JACOBIN — 2 F.K. If you don’t know this opera, maybe it’s time you tried it.

3:00-7:00 KLARA: Enesco’s EDIPE — Several Parterre regulars have extolled this opera. I’ve heard three different versions and have been excited by each one.

2:30-5:00 RADIO OESTERREICH: ADELAIDE DI BORGOGNA from Pesaro. 2 F.K. It just doesn’t quite catch fire.

3:00-8:00 LYRIC FM: GIANNI DI PARIGI — Word has filtered back that Edgardo Rochas is a tenor to watch. Here’s our chance to find out.

3:00-7:15 RADIO STEPHANSDOM: TRISTAN UND ISOLDE — 2 F.K. It’s the Karajan 1972 recording with Vickers and Dernesch. For some people this is a classic. They have a right to their opinion.

Where to meet? Where else but La Casa della Cieca?

1:00-4:30 BBC 3: THE QUEEN OF SPADES –4 F.K. In the name of God, this is a RUSSIAN opera — you think they”re our friends now, but they aren’t. Besides, it’s got Rosalind Plowright in it. No opera should EVER have Rosalind Plowright in it; she’s so retro.,

1:00-5:00 CBC TWO: ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL– 4 F.K. This isn’t even an opera — it’s just a bunch of excerpts all strung together while a bunch of people you never heard of talk about stuff that I don’t know what they’re saying and neither do you if you weren’t too dumb to admit it.

1:00-3:00 DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR: Urspruch’s DAS UNMOGLICHSTE VON ALLEM — Whoever heard of this thing? Why can’t they do something classic like La Boheme or Chu Chin Chow. Shows you what happens when the pinkos take over the opera houses.

1:00-5:00 DWOJKA POLSJKIE: LE COQ D’OR. Another Russian. Boy, if anything could prove the point I’m trying to make it would be this. And it’s about a bird! A bird! Those feathered dinosaurs that crap on the floor. 3 F.K.

1:00-5:00 FRANCE MUSIQUE: LE DIDONNE — Another tiresome old, humdrum thing from back before people learned to write properly outside the envelope of tonality. 3 F.K. Gods and nymphs, gods and nymphs, is that all you people ever think about is gods and nymphs.

1:00-8:00 KBYU: TANNHAUSER from Bayreuth — 4 F.K. Well, here’s Wagner again, trying to reconstruct Christianity into his own image and getting it ALL WRONG — as usual. Flowering staff my ass, it’s a phallic symbol with the same old tired homoerotic bullcrap.

1:00-4:00 NRK KLASSISK: IPHIGENIE EN TAURIDE from Canadian Opera — 2 F.K. Whaddaya expect — Gluck called himself a “reformer.” — A REEEE—FOOOOOORRRR —MEERRRRR! Of course Orestes and Pylades are gonna get it on. “Reformer, ” oh, for crying out loud.

1:00-5:00 RADIO CLASICA DE SPANA: Thomas’ LA COUR DE CELIMENE — 2 F.K. Well, it had to be, didn’t it. Instead of building on the reputation he gained from “Mignon” and “Hamlet” Thomas chooses this tripe, when he could have given us a mondrama based on “Critique of Pure Reason” that just MIGHT have broadened people’s horizons a little.

1:00-6:00 RTP ANTENA 2: TRISTAN UND ISOLDE — 3 F.K. Back in my day, when Eisenhower was on the throne, if you were alone with somebody else’s wife, you just DIDN’T TOUCH HER. Not like today, when it’s all touch touch touch. God, I give up.

1:00-5:00 VPR, WCLV, WFMT
ARIADNE AUF NAXOS — 2 F.K. Well, this shows what happens when you let the lunatics take over the asylum. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, GUYS! Are you gonna do one opera or two, and what’s that prologue all about? It just confuses things.

1:00-4:00 NPR World of Opera: ELEKTRA from Washington — 4 F.K. Talk about your perfect Beltway opera! Blood everywhere, people screaming at each other all the time. Sheesh.

1:00-5:00 WFMT Network: MADAMA BUTTERFLY — 3 F.K. These mixed marriages never work; certain rules have been set down and if you don’t follow those rules, it’s gonna be kids in the carriage and blood all over the rug.

1:00-5:00 WQXR: SIEGFRIED from San Francisco — 2 F.K. Wagner as American myth. Ho hum! Been there, done that.

2:00-6:00 ESPACE 2: TURN OF THE SCREW — 2 F.K. Bunch of idiots anyway, turning the kids over to somebody who has absolutely NO vested interest intheir health, safety, or well-being. You get what you deserve, I always say.

2:00-6:00 KLARA: DEATH IN VENICE — 2 F.K. At last Chandos has come to their senses. After a long series of releases of operas in English translation, they at last do one in the language in which it was written. Bravo!

2:00-5:00 LATVIA RADIO KLASIKA: THE TSAR’S BRIDE from Estonia — 3 F.K. Do you see a pattern here? I do. It’s a conspiracy to put the lost Dauphin back on the throne of Mother Russia. Don’t be misled by that “bride” business. This is NOT a happy festive opera, by a long shot.

2:00-6:00 RADIO TRE: DIE ENTFUHRUNG AUS DEM SERAIL from Rome — 4 F.K. At last something the whole family can enjoy. Rape, kidnapping, assasination — fine wholesome values.

Your doyenne will be giving out nice wholesome apples at La Casa della Cieca.

6:00-11:00 RADIO 4 NETHERLANDS:  LA GIOCONDA (3 F.K.) with Eva Marie Westbroek

“And as if that weren’t enough, LOC is presenting a 16-HOUR broadcast (!) with singers from their Training Program who aren’t yet old enough to be too old to sing properly.”

9:00 A.M.- 1:00 A.M. WFMT: Lyric Opera of Chicago’s Fund-Raiser (7 F.K.)

“I’ll chat with you,” said Mrmystermeistermuster the Marmot. but only if we can listen to

11:00-5:00 BR KLASISK: DIE MEISTERSINGER (2 F.K.) from Nurnberg, (appropriately.)

“Count me in,” said Camille Cony. “Muti is conducting this.

11:00-2:00 LRT KLASIKA: MACBETTO (3 F.K.) from Salzburg

“This will be loads of fun,” said Peter Ptarmigan. “I was going to take a shower, but Mike’s using it.

11:30-1:00 ESPACE 2: LES PECHEURS DU PERLES (3 F.K.)

“And don’t forget us Northern neighbors,” said Kashania the Kanadian Koot.

12:00-4:00 ESPACE MUSIQUE: LILLIAN AILING by John Estachio (2 F.K.)

“Chat Room must NOT be empty,” piped up Liana Limpet, reminding everyone that Poland is almost Sweden. Sort of.”

12:00-6:00 SVERIGES RADIO P2: Stenhammer’s TIRFING (not enough data to rate.)

Just then a messenger arrived with a note from Manou the Malemute. “I can’t be with you today because I am cooking dinner for a party of 57 in Northern Madegascar. but if it’s on the BBC it will be good.”

1:00-4:30 BBC 3: Weinberg’s THE PASSENGER (2 F.K.)

“No, no, no, this just won’t do,” said Louannd the lesbian Loris. “Only Manou knows French well enough to tell us if this is being sung properly.”

1:00-5:00 CBC TWO: ATYS (2 F.K.)

“Nonsense,” said Armerjacquino Aardvark. “We can all tell that Dessay is singing French impeccably in this. Violetta is, after all, a French courtesan.”

1:00-4:00 RADIO OESTERREICH, also RADIO CLASICA DE ESPANA: LA TRAVIATA (4 F.K.)

“And listen to the wonderful French in this Stravinsky thing,” said CruzSF the Cockatoo, climbing down from his place on the calendar on the wall.

1:00-5:00 FRANCE MUSIQUE: THE RAKE’S PROGRESS from Nancy (3 F.K.)

“People! People!,” said Sanford Salamander. “Opera isn’t about words; it’s about music, as you can tell in this wonderful opera by The Sublime Mozart who also wrote ‘Le Nozze di Figaro,’ in which I am currently singing Dr. Bartolo at The Amore Opera where you can get a ten-dollar discount on your ticket by simply walking up to the box office and saying,’I don’t want to pay that much.’”

1:00-5:15 RADIO 4 NETHERLANDS, also BARTOK RADIO: MITRIDATE (2 F.K.)

Just then a terrifying rumble was heard in the ground beneath their feet. “It’s the Vog-Tites,” they screamed. “To arms, Jonasites!” A bloody melee ensued in which there were many fatalities, but fortunatekly nobody we’ve met so far.

1:00-5:00 RTP ANTENA 2: LOHENGRIN from Bayreuth (3 F.K.)

Whew, that was close, said BattyMasetto Bulldog. “We’d better stick to something nobody knows well enough to feel deeply enough about.”

1:00-4:30 NPR World of Opera: A VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE by William Bolcom from Washington (2 F.K.)

“This one has Stemme in it,” said little Fartnose Frog. “Do you realize that when it is over, I will be exactly twice as old as I am now.”

1:00-6:00 WFMT Network: GOTTERDAMMERUNG from San Francisco (3 F.K.)

“She’s no Behrens. Nobody is.,” said MarshieMarkII Millipede.

1:00-4:00 WQXR: DAS RHEINGOLD from San Francisco (2 F.K.)

Suddenly, up popped M. Croche Cricket. “In the lamentable absence of anything Chinese, why don’t we broaden our horizons with a pre-Feminist tract by that Master of Mittel-Europa melody, the Dvine Dvorak.”

1:30-4:00 CESKY ROZHLAS VLTAVA: WANDA by Dvorak (2 F.K.)

“Or this?”

1:30-4:30 NRK KLASSIK: THE JACOBIN by Dvorak ( At this point, everyone ran out of F.K.s, having stuck them all in Croche Cricket’s crotch.)

“I love me some good Coq, ” offered Brooklynpunk Banana Bat.

2:00-6:00 ESPACE 2: LE COQ D’OR from The Bolshoi (2 F.K.)

“Looks like this Alagna thing is the closest we have to regular repertoire,” said Operaassport Ocelot. “And even it’s pretty pitiful.”

2:00-5:00 HR2 KULTUR: FRANCESCA DA RIMINI (3 F.K.)

Grimoaldo Grouse complained, “We can’t get much more esoteric than this.”

2:00-6:00 KLARA: SEMIRAMIS RICONISCIUTO by Porpora (2 F.K.)

OpinionatedNeophyte Oriole opined, “Don’t bother me; I’m making up for lost time.”

2:00-7:00 LYRIC FM: Smetana’s THE KISS from Wexford (3 F.K.)

Mandryka Manatee burbled, “We could twitter along with the Baroque.”

2:00-5:00 RADIO STEPHANSDOM: Handel’s XERXES (2 F.K.)

“I saw this! It’s good,” shouted ErcoleFarnese Elephant.

2:00-4:30 RADIO TRE: Martinu’s THE GREEK PASSION (2 F.K.)

“We’ve got to agree on something. Anything!” pleaded Maury D. Mastodon. Let’s take a vote.” But he was shouted down as each campaigned vociferously for a particular favorite.

3:00-5:00 DWOJKA POLSKIE: Janacek’s MAKROPULOS CASE from Stockholm (3 F.K.)

When they were exhausted Betsy_Ann tenderly gathered each excited little opera-goer under her and they all settled down for a quiet nap. Yes, Betsy_Ann’s a top.

Where the effete meet: La Casa della Cieca.

11:00-2:00 LRT KLASIKA: AIDA from Florence with Mehta conducting, Berti and d’Intino singing, with Rob Besserer as The Sphinx. 4 F.K.

12:58-5:00 CESKY ROZHLAD VLTAVA and RADIO CLASICA DE ESPANA: THE JACOBIN — Demonstrating his ability to be silent in almost any language, Besserer portrays the Bureau Drawer in this Dvorak rarity. 2 F.K.

1:00-4:00 DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR: WERTHER from Vienna. It takes a stellar performer to steal a show from Koch and Kaufmann, but Besserer’s portrayal of a flowering delphinium manages the feat. 2 F.K.

1:00-5:00 CBC TWO : I CAPULETI E I MONTECHI with Tara Erraught, Eri Nakamura, and Rob Besserer as a Veronese fishpeddler who has sold his sole to the Devil.3 F.K.

1:00-4:00 DR P2: A grabbag from Copenhagen. 2 F.K. Besserer recapitulates his turn as the Stage Manager from LE CONTE ORY.

l:00-4:30 NRK: FAUST from ROH with Grigolo, Frigolo, Durstein, and Osborne. 4 F.K. Watch for Besserer during the Kermesse scene as the Ghost Of Charles Gounod making minor tweaks to the score.

1:00-5:00 VPR, WCLV: DIE WALKURE from San Francisco. 2 F.K. Rob appears as Warthilde, the ninth Valkyrie, who stays home and packs sack lunches for everybody.

1:00-4:00 NPR World of Opera: DER FLIEGENDE HOLLANDER from Washington DC. 3 F.K. In his debut with the company, Rob plays a spinning wheel.

1:00-5:00 WFMT Network: SIEGFRIED from San Francisco. 2 F.K. Stimme, Storey, with Besserer as the Forest Walrus.

1:30-4:45 BARTOK RADIO: IL BARBIERE DI SIVIGLIA 3 F.K. for those who want to hear what Domingo sounded like as a baritone before he became a tenor who became a baritone. RB has a cameo as a shaving mug in this early-career outing.

1:30-5L30 FRANCE MUSIQUE: J.C. Bach’s ZANAIDA not enough data to rate. Rob participates in the big Ping Pong tournament that closes Act Two.

2:00-6:00 ESPACE 2: ATYS 1 F.K. More than anything else, it was Besserer’s portrayal of the disgruntled Rameau that established him on the international circuit.

2:00-6:00 KLARA: LA MAGICIENNE by Halevy 4 F.K. for those not overcome by ennui. Rob plays Wand, the stick used by the central character to shake at things of which there are more of than you can shake a stick at.

2:00-6:00 RADIO STEPHANSDOM: PARSIFAL – Windgassen, Moedl, Leitner, with Besserer in a pre-natal turn as the dead swan’s grieving mate.

(COMPILER’S NOTE — OperaCast has several sites that have not yet posted their offerings, meaning there should be more to choose from than this. There’s GOT to be more to choose from than this.)

As always, La Casa della Cieca is where the chattering classes meet.

• 1 F-K denotes a performance of extraordinary musical and dramatic value, so that only one knife would be needed to dissect the rare lapse in good taste.
• 2 F-K means that only professional pedants will be able to discern the failure to maintain the highest musical standards or full Stanislavskian impact.
• 3 F-K offers ample opportunity to even the greenest of snarkmeisters.
• 4 F-K means that the performance will not even be heard above the wild threshing of  a poolful of blood-crazed piranhas.

Today’s blade-bait, after the jump.

11:00-2:00 LRT KLASIKA: WERTHER from ROH – 3 F-K. Rolando Villazon will be flayed and served up on a bed of greens.

12:00-5:15  RADIO 4 NETHERLANDS: SIEGFRIED from Oosten.  2 F-K.  Hands up everyone who likes Harry Peeters.  (He’s singing Wotan.)  The Brunnhilde is Judit Nemeth who has received favorable mention recently in these pages.  Such upstart opinion must be subject to correction.

1:00-4:00 BBC 3: TOSCA from ROH with Gheorghiu, Kaufmann, and Terfel in the cast, this should be a 4 F-K slugfest.

1:00-5:00 CBC TWO: ORFEO ED EURIDICE with Lawrence Zazzo and Isabel Bayrakhdarian.  I may be prejudiced (so what else is new?), but I call this a 1 F-K

1:00-5:00 SIRIUS: IL BARBIERE DI SIVIGLIA from The Met with Peter Mattei and Isabel Leonard.  We seem to be up to our necks in Peter this week.  The primary target, however, is Leonard who has dared to take over a JDD role.  3 F-K to punish such chutzpah.

1:00-4:00 DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR: A Choral program from Dortmund.  0 F-K.  Choirs are invisible to a true F-K-er.

1:00-5:00 DR P2: FAUST from ROH 4 F-K.  We put this through the grinder last week.  I’m astonished to see they have the gall to re-air it.

1:00-5:00 ESPACE MUSIQUE: DEATH IN VENICE from the Canadian Opera.  1 F-K.  For some reason (perhaps because he is “family”), Britten is impervious to F-K-ing, especially this opera which seems to be The Holy Grail of queendom, even for those who have never heard it and wouldn’t ever be caught dead listening to it.

1:00-5:00 FRANCE MUSIQUE: Attalio Ariosti’s LA FEDE NEI TRADIMENTI.  Not enough information to assign a rating.

1:00-5:00 HR2 KULTUR: ALCINA from Vienna.  Because of its relative rarity the bulk of Baroque opera remains the playground of the purist.  2 F-K.

1:00-4:00 NRK: TURN OF THE SCREW.  1 F-K.  (see DEATH IN VENICE, above.)

1:00-5:00 RTP ANTENA 2: TANNHAUSER from Bayreuth.  4 F-K.  Even a total tyro can hear how bad this is.

1:00-5:00 RADIO CLASICA DE ESPANA: LE NOZZE DI FIGARO.  4 F-K.  The only way they could have gotten a worse rating would have been to put Danielle De Niese in the cast.

1L00-4L00 WCLV, VPR: DAS RHEINGOLD from San Francisco – 2 F-K.  The strong San Francisco lobby precludes much full-fledged nastiness.  Stilll, there will be those who will insist they are able to hear Francesca’s misdirection over the air.

1:00-5:00 WETA and others: LA BOHEME from the Washington National Opera.  3 F-K with the main targets being Grigolo and Cabell.  If Domingo had been conducting, it would have been a 4 F-K.

1:00-6:00 WFMT Network, including WOMR and KUAT 2:00-7:00 or thereabouts: DIE WALKURE from San Francisco.  2 F-K.  (See DAS RHEINGOLD above)

1:00-4:00 WQXR: LA BOHEME from The Met, February 15, 1958.  Would have been a 3 F-K because of Albanese, but no one wants to see Bergonzi caught in the line of fire, so it’s a 2 F-K.

1:30-4:00 RADIO OESTERREICH: WIENER BLUT from the Vienna Volksoper.  Not enough information to rate.

1:30-4:00 SVERIGES P2: Mercadante’s VIRGINIA.  The backlash against Meade boosts this to a 3 F-K.

2:00-4:30 CESKY ROZHLAS VLTAVA: Dvorak’s SELMA SEDLAK.  This one rates WTF-K?

2:00-5:00 KLARA: IL RITORNO D’ULISE IN PATRIA.  Monteverdi is seldom a F-K.-fest; even a pedant has to stay awake to pedantize.

2:00-5:00 RADIO SLOVENIA TRETJI: Rimsky-Korsakov’s THE TSAR’S BRIDE. 0 F-K.  (See Dvorak above.,)

2:00-5:00 RADIO STEPHANSDOM: Kinzl’s DER EVANGELIMANN 1 F-K.  Its total unfamiliarity — although most people “in the know” extol its virtues — plus the presence of the off-limits Helen Donath make this the most peaceful listen of the day.

I call your attention to the live broadcast of TALES OF HOFFMANN from Chicago, 7:15-11:30. WFMT,  4 F-K.   It’s just smack-dab full of people who shouldn’t be cast as they are.

Draw your switchblades and show up — if you dare! — at La Casa della Cieca. Remember also that ALL of today’s broadcasts are now or will be available for free download from House of Bobolink –ditzbobble@gmail.com  — for all mournful aficionados.  (Excluded from this offer are commercial releases:  EVANGELIMANN and the Albanese BOHEME.)

The performance starts at 6:30 pm and will be simulcast both in Times Square and in Lincoln Center Plaza, with pre-show coverage, including red-carpet interviews hosted by Deborah Voigt, starting at 6pm.

Live audio broadcasts may be heard on Metropolitan Opera Radio on Siriux/XM and streamed from the Met’s Listen Live site. These broadcasts will also include pre-opera coverage beginning at 6 pm.

As always, La Casa della Cieca will be open for your real-time discussion enjoyment. For longer reactions and post-performance musings, feel free to comment on this thread.

• Anna Bolena vocal score
• Anna Bolena libretto

Anna Bolena: Anna Netrebko
Giovanna Seymour: Ekaterina Gubanova
Smeton: Tamara Mumford
Lord Riccardo Percy: Stephen Costello
Enrico VIII: Ildar Abdrazakov
Lord Rochefort: Keith Miller
Sir Hervey: Eduardo Valdes

Conductor: Marco Armiliato
Production: David McVicar
Set Designer: Robert Jones
Costume Designer: Jenny Tiramani
Lighting Designer: Paule Constable
Choreographer: Andrew George

Our choice of listening/chat material starts out with, “I’d sell my soul if Don Carlo would just break a leg or something.”  LA FORZA DEL DESTINO from Florence with Zubin Mehta conducting. LRT KLASIKA 11:00-2:00

Next — “I’d sell my soul to see this at The Met. — with a cast like this”  The old Bolshoi PRINCE IGOR on YLE KLASINEN, 12:00-3:30.

“I’d sell my soul if those three women on stilts would shut up.”  ARIADNE AUF NAXOS from the Canadian Opera with Adrienne Pieczonka and Richard Margison, Jane Archibald and Alice Coote.  CBC TWO 1:00-5:00

Rossini’s OTELLO From Lyon, Osborne and Antonacci, DEUTSCHLANDRADIO KULTUR, 1:00-4:00.  “I’d sell my soul if there were just one baritone in this damn thing.”

1:00-4:00 DR P2 EUGENE ONEGIN from Munich with Bo Skovhus.  “I’d sell my soul to get just a little more applause than Lenski does.”

“I’d sell my soul for a decent map of Ethiopia.”  AIDA with Radvanovsky and Hendricks from the Canadian Opera, ESPACE MUSIQUE, 1:00-5:00.

“I’d sell my soul for the power to bear children.  Or not. Or whatever.  I’d sell my soul to know what this dang opera is all about anyway.”  DIE FRAU OHNE SCHATTEN, Salzburg, 2011.  FRANCE MUSIQUE 1:00-5:00.

HANSEL AND GRETEL from The Utah Opera, KBYU, 1:00-4:00.  “I’d sell my soul for a tongue about six inches long, and green, and… I’ll be on the verandah.”

1:00-5:00 LATVIA RADIO KLASIKA, LOHENGRIN from Bayretuth with Klaus Florian Vogt.  “I’d sell my soul if Klaus Florian were out on this verandah with me.”

1:00-5:00 SVERIGES P2, CARMEN from Kunglige with Dalayman and Weinius.  “I’d sell my soul to be able to play the castanets.  There’s something about holding two hard things in your hands and going clickety-clickety-clickety.  Stand up a little straighter, Klaus Florian, bitte.”

“I’d sell my soul to be able to wander around Alba, saying ‘I’m Ascanio.  I’m Ascanio.’”  ASCANIO IN ALBA with Rancatore and Prina, NRK KLASSIK, 1:00-4:00

IPHIGENIE EN AULIDE and IPHIGENIE EN TAURIDE, 1:00-5:00 RADIO 4 NETHERLANDS, “I’d sell my soul if Agamemnon had been sterile.”

VPR, WCLV, 1:00-5:00, WERTHER from San Francisco.  “I’d sell my soul if it would make that mopey poet stop hanging around my kitchen.”

1:00-2:30 RADIO CLASICA DE ESPANA.  John Blow’s VENUS AND ADONIS.  “I’d sell my soul if my name didn’t sound like something one could get arrested for.”

RUSALKA from Munich with Opolais and Vogt, RTP ANTENA 2 1:00-5:00.  “I’d sell my soul if I didn’t think of lemon-and-dill sauce every time I kiss you.”

1:00-4:30 WETA.  KAT’A KABANOVA from Vienna.  “I’d sell my soul for a good, heavy-duty vibrator.”

1:00-4:30 NPR World of Opera, various stations.  DON GIOVANNI from the Washington National.  Schrott, Abdrazakov.  “I’d sell my soul to have somebody else in the pit.”

1:00-4:00 WFMT Opera Network.  DAS RHEINGOLD from San Francisco.  “I’d sell my soul to have this instead of ****THE MACHINE.*****”

“I’d sell my soul if my father had married Julia Child.”  THE MAKROPOULOS CASE, San Francisco, with Karita Mattila, WQXR 1:00-4:00

IL MONDO DELLA LUNA, 1:30-4:30 BARTOK RADIO, “I’d sell my soul if Haydn had just been able to carry his ideas a leeet-tle bit further.”

12:45 (1:45?) – until Hell freezes over, who knows.  BBC 3.  FAUST from the ROH with Pape, Gheorghiu, and little Vittorio.  “I’d sell my soul…”  Oh yeah, been there, done that.

DWOJKA POLSKIE 1:30-4:30.  Nowak’s BREAKING NEWS and Nono’s IL CANTO SOSPESE.  “I’d sell my soul if Liane would pop in and tell us WTF these things are.”

DER FREISCHUTZ, John Eliot Gardiner from the Royal Albert Hall.  “I’d sell my soul for three magic bullets  that would end up plunking into a dove and a guy named Casper, when one of them could have gone into that long-winded hermit.”  Who the hell makes this stuff up, anyway?

2:00-5:00 RAI AUDITORIUM is a bunch of commercial stuff.  ”I’d sell my soul if I could think of something snarky to say about stuff like this.”

“I’d sell my soul to find out if Theodore Gouvy got through grammer school without being beaten up every day because of a name like that.”  DER CID, ESPACE 2, 2:00-6:00

FIDELIO from Munich with Kaufmann and Kampe, HR2 KULTUR 2:00-5:00.  “I’d sell my soul if Beethoven had put more lesbo action into Act One.”

“I’d sell my soul if Brangaene had fed those two Pepto-Bismal.”  TRISTAN UND ISOLDE from Copenhagen with Stig Andersen and Irene Theorin, LYRIC FM, 2:00-7:00.

2:00-5:00 RADIO SLOVENIA TRETJE, Baldassare’ Galuppi’s SAVRAZNIK SZENA.  “I’d sell my soul to be able to read Slovenian.  I think it’s L’INIMICO DONNE.”

“I’d sell my soul to see this staged, on a double bill with MEFISTOFELE.”  Mahler’s Symphony No. 8. Simon Rattle, Berlin. RBB KULTURRAIO, 2:00-4:00.

2:00-4:30 RADIO STEPHANSDOM, MEFISTOFELE from Palermo with Ferruccio Furlanetto.  “I’d sell my soul if this opera were done as often as the Gounod thing.”

3:30-6:00 NDR KULTUR, Kunzen’s HOLGER DANSKE, with Inge Nielsen, Johann Reuter.  “I’d sell my soul if Inge Nielsen and Lorraine Hunt Lieberson had not …” (boy, talk about ending the day on a downer.)

The elite will meet as usual at La Casa della Cieca.

The production—which Alex Ross in The New Yorker called “an austere, elegant, darkly enchanting piece of theatre”—kicks off at 16:00 at Bayreuth, which translates to 10:00 AM here in New York.  La Cieca will open the chatroom for discussion during the customary lengthy Green Hill intermissions.