Cher Public

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The respect opera is entitled to

On Nerva Nelli’s suggestion, La Cieca visited Lyric Opera of Chicago’s website, and it’s dire, my friends, dire. (Click each title of next season’s repertoire to see LOC’s “hip” catchphrase for the opera in question.)


  • rofrano says:

    Oh my god. This is right up there with “Unexpect Yourself”.

  • messa di voce says:

    “In the end, he just can’t take it any more.”

    I never thought Polenzani would be much of a bottom.

  • Porgy Amor says:

    Those are really awful. I thought the cutesy BOCCANEGRA tag was going to be the worst of the lot, but then I saw the one for WERTHER, which is like something you’d read on a poster for a lurid 1950s movie melodrama. (Minus the exclamation point and the redeeming campy artwork.)

  • tannengrin says:

    I thought it was another one of La Cieca’s ‘Adventures in Photoshop’ with lots of tongue in lots of cheek, but, oh weh, they are serious! They must have hired the guy who usually writes the captions for Fox News!

  • Baritenor says:


  • m. croche says:

    Well, it might have been worse. I half-expected the Boheme tag-line to read, “Oh, it’s nothing. Just a little cough.” (Though Nicholas Cage’s character in Moonstruck probably still has the winner: “I mean, I knew she was sick -- but I didn’t think she was going to die!!”)

    • m. croche says:

      Some further thoughts:

      “Elektra -- Where Every Day is Father’s Day”
      “Werther -- Get a Job, Hippie!”
      “Die Meistersinger -- Nuernberg Idol”
      “Simon Boccanegra -- Man Bites Doge”

      • CruzSF says:

        Good ones, m. croche. I especially like the Werther slogan. Maybe Doris Dörrie could direct?

      • oedipe says:

        I believe Werther did have a job waiting for him, he was a civil servant. Maybe he needed a REAL job though.

    • brooklynpunk says:

      M. croche:

      I would NEVER DREAM OF really questioning you..


      WASN’T it.. CHER ..? (or HER character..) who said those immortal lines???

  • A. Poggia Turra says:

    My only question is why they used a drawing of Lisa Simpson with a brunette dye job for the piano concert…..

  • CruzSF says:

    I guess they’re trying to reach the over-40 crowd.

  • Clita del Toro says:

    Before Mommie Dearest there was Stella Dallas.

    “Who said being in charge was easy?” Gelb to Fleming.

    “In the end, he just can’t take it anymore.” Get out the lube, girls!

    Older woman marries younger man, and she is he sorry. Barbara Hutton

    “Here, kiddie, kiddie kiddie,” a new pedophile opera with libretto by Pope Benedict XVI

    “Oh, to be young and in love in Paris.” Too bad you have syphilis and consumption.

    The Big Sing, Renee’s torn up, stained score of Norma.

    A Father’s worst nightmare: the alter boy who got away.

  • ianw2 says:

    I’m so pleased that noted opera star Lang Lang is finally getting SOME of the attention he deserves in the US.

  • ianw2 says:

    Oh, and yes, these are fucking terrible ads. Who are they trying to attract? Why are there so many fonts? How long, and how much money, did they spend on this abortion?

    I was already pissy at opera companies using house or insipid film music as background on the youtube clips (can’t go frightening the punters with something from an opera!); this may just push me into the deep end.

    The Magic Flute: This flutin’ needs tootin’!

    • A. Poggia Turra says:

      Luisa Miller: The early Wurm gets the Bird…….

      • ianw2 says:

        Nixon in China: Ching Chong Tricky Dicky!

        • ianw2 says:

          Before Three’s Company there was The Pearl Fishers.

          • A. Poggia Turra says:

            The LePage Ring: Daddy Wags on a Stick!

          • ianw2 says:

            The Rake’s Progress: What happens in Hogarth stays in Hogarth…

          • Porgy Amor says:

            Fidelio: Political oppression can be a drag.

            Kat’a Kabanova: Come in! The water’s fine!

            The Makropolus Case: She MUST have had work done.

            Rusalka: He loved her…until he noticed that “fishy” smell.

            Dialogues des Carmélites: Nun but the brave.

          • ianw2 says:

            What shall we do with the sexy sailor?

            Billy Budd.

          • Krunoslav says:

            Before “Modern Family” there was “Iphigenie en Tauride”.

        • norma54 says:

          Just one more sign (a very strong one) that the company is headed right down the toilet. They can do a great SHOWBOAT…..but can’t put together a decent LUCIA.

  • brooklynpunk says:

    “And ya thought “The Simpsons” was a dysfunctional Family-- wait until ya meet the Wotan clan, in “The Ring”….!!

  • mercadante says:

    I’m a lousy judge of writing, especially that which is humorous or trying to be, but I didn’t think they were all that different from the tag lines we see here.

    • ianw2 says:

      The difference is this is a blog which has a definite aesthetic. LOC is country’s second or third (I forget where it sits in relation to San Fran) largest opera company best known for their staid programming- but its okay, they’re in the black!- and solid but unexciting casting. Also, someone was paid to produce that dreck whereas we’re all working on love and gin fumes.

      • CruzSF says:

        Love and champers, Pats.

      • Bosah says:

        Their ticket sales have been steadily declining, though, and the trend isn’t good. They’re doing something different and as I wrote elsewhere, I love the camp quirkiness of it.

        • Quanto Painy Fakor says:

          You want to pay hundreds of dollars for camp and quirkiness?

          • figaroindy says:

            Silly me -- I thought we paid to see and hear the opera…not the advertising campaign!

  • derschatzgabber says:

    I thought they where all awful, but the tag line for Streatcar was the worst. If that’s how they want to market product, I say they should scrap the Previn opera (it didn’t work that well for me anyway) and replace it with the world stage premiere of the genuinely entertaining “Oh Streetcar”, as presented by the Simpsons.

    Who can resist the lyric charms of Ned Flanders warbling,

    Can’t you hear me yell-aaahhh.
    You’re putting me through hell-aaahhh.

    • ianw2 says:

      You can always depend on
      The kindness of strangers
      To pluck up your spirits
      And shield you from dangers

      And here’s a tip from Blanche you won’t regret-
      A stranger’s just a friend you haven’t met!

      YOU! HAVE-N’T! MET!


  • lorenzo.venezia says:

    Lulu: Girls just wanna have fun!

  • Yes, yes, I know, OT, but this is too deliciously good and I’m too impatient, so shoot me


  • Will says:

    Aida: She’ll leave you breathless!

  • brooklynpunk says:

    MANON-”Girls just wanna have FUN…!”

    • brooklynpunk says:

      ..UH, OH…SORRY LORENZO.. I didn’t see you beat me to that tag…sorry!

    • A. Poggia Turra says:

      Doctor Atomic … You’ll have a Blast!

      Satyagraha … Gandhi goes to Boer

      Dialogues des Carmelites … Get thee to a Nunnery!

  • dallasuapace says:

    La Traviata: What’s it all about, Alfie?

  • Fritz says:

    At least in Italy they respect opera (sort of):