None so blind item

Which mechanism devised by which Canadian theatrical savant—the subject of a full-page advertisement purchased by which fucking genius in the Sunday edition of which newspaper that publishes “all the news that’s fit to print”— well, anyway, that mechanism, remember, it malfunctioned tonight during which New York opera company’s performance of which music drama named after which Teutonic hero?  Wait, don’t guess until you’ve read what’s after the jump.  

An eyewitness reports “throughout the entire second act, the far rightmost plank… was out of position. It should have been essentially vertical, like all the rest. But it was raised about 45 degrees from vertical, sticking out toward the audience.”