Feeling gay, reckless too!
On the way to the OONY comeback concert at Carnegie Hall last night, La Cieca ran into an old, old, old and utterly anonymous friend who had recently had a tête-à-tête with an associate of that publicist who recently parted ways with that celebrated Opera MILF. Well!
Your doyenne gleaned from his hearsay that the mood around the office was rather more one of relief than anything else, since (as La Cieca understands it) a considerable amount of the PR’s time and energy had been expended in attempting (not always successfully) to talk the diva out of “her Lucy Ricardo-esque harebrained schemes” (La Cieca’s phrase).
Now, naturally of course, a lot of this story is just fiddle-faddle spawned of your doyenne’s all-too-fertile imagination, but let’s run with it anyway. You’ve seen what That Diva has done over the past decade and a half even while under the moderating wing of the publicist; now let’s imagine what sort of antics she might get up to now that she’s “running wild.”
The most amusing suggestion wins an amazon gift card.
Known for her innovative fusing of pop-jazz vocal stylings with the standards of classical music, Renee Fleming pays homage to her idol, Joni Mitchell, in this recording of the songs of Samuel Barber:
“The Hissing of Knoxville: Summer Lawns of 1915”
My first thought – which apparently occurred to many others – was that yes, RF would now be gunning to sing Rigoletto, S. Boccanegra, and – in one of opera’s most grotesque turns – Boris Godunov’s son Fyodor.
Upon reflection, these aspirations seemed implausibly humble. Then I stumbled upon this:
http://www.stylelist.com/2008/09/04/hottest-trend-in-underwear-since-obama-palin-panties/
… and I began to see the future. This will surely go over well with the Kochs.
It is, let’s admit it, too late for her to run for Alaska governor this year. So instead I predict an underwear launch (the derriere will be imprinted with a few bars from the “Song to the Moon”) followed by a VP slot for The People’s Diva in 2012.
ROFL Fyodor.
Have we all forgotten the series that is crying to be turned into a vehicle for Fleming – The Sopranos (or the simplified version – The Soprano)?
Okay. I love it.
Joyce DiDonato as Carmen Soprano!!!!!!!!!!!
Miss Rene will – with her newfound freedom and intersting modern music – go on tour with Meat Loaf – “Bat out of Hell III”. The duets with Mr Loaf “You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth” and “Two Out Of Three Ain’t Bad”, only narrowly beaten to the number 1 spot by the duets with Mr Villazon (stepping in for a breathless Mr Loaf) in “Paradise By The Dashboard Light”. Following the success, Mr Gleb insist on staging “Moulin Rouge” for Miss Rene, who in turn is so happy and grateful that she graciously accepts Mr Gelb’s suggestion of having Mr Bocelli as her male lead and naturally Mr Domingo will be conducting.
The production is so successfull that Mr Gelb is considering future projects for Miss Rene, e.g. “Phantom of the Opera” and “Sunset Boulevard”.
Miss Rene rocks the opera world!
Best
Tenorfach
She’s going to launch the “Fleming Live Network” (FLN) – a TV channel that can also be web-streamed, which will follow her every move in real time. This will include regularly scheduled master classes for viewers to learn such skills as crossing-over à la Flem and scoopertura. Folks can call in to the RF Hawt Line with questions and, if they have video chat capability, for brief coaching sessions.
She’ll commission Rufus Wainwright to compose an opera based on her life, with the libretto based on FLN transcripts. This will be performed at the Flemopolitan Opera Stadium (a house would be too small) designed by Norman Robert Foster. The stadium will be built in the former location of La Scala. RF will simultaneously perform all starring roles and conduct the opera, and dance as principal in the second act ballet, and broadcast the premiere in HD, and interview herself at intermission. And the orchestra will be comprised of all electronic instruments wired to produce quasi-instrumental vocal sounds pre-recorded by you know who.
Following up on the success of “La Voce” perfume, she’ll launch a special elixer for singers aspiring to thicken their tone, “Le Flegme de La Flem,” bottles of her enchanted spittle.
There will also be a series of life-sized, singing Renee dolls, the “My Flem” doll, in various genres “My Verismo Flem,” “My Dark Hope Flem,” (because Dark Hope is a genre unto itself, isn’t it?), “My Minimalist Flem” (more expensive because it never has to be recharged).
Finally, she will take over the planet, and rename it Renelia.
PR is about enlarging one’s sphere of influence. The key to her future lies in the People’s Diva’s newfound success with on-the-scene journalism. BREAKING NEWS: Freakishly tall and flexible Finnish soprano warms up with a cooter-slam backstage before Act II!!!
Baba Wawa’s eons-long career sprang from being the precocious daughter of a nightclub owner – not EVEN a chanteuse.
CNN will offer her a lifetime contract to do a prime time interview show, in which she can display her ability to pronounce foreign names, and still
amass freq-fly milage from field reporting on the situation in… Darfur… Haiti… the back of the intermission line to the ladies room at the Koch.
In addition, she will be the anchor for their New Years Eve coverage from Times Square, with AC (finalmente!) embracing his sass (who wouldn’t want to see his sass?) and playing the Griffinesque sidekick to the straightman of LaFle. Hilarant!
Designer wardrobe? Check. Personal beauty team? Check. Breath control, cadenzae, and accurate pitch? Left ‘em in the cab… oh well. Back to you, Wolf!
Actually, it is rumoured that her next project is I Parterriani, by Bruttini, a tragic story of rival factions engaged in an epic conflict. Renée will play the part of the bird-like heroine, Betsy Ann Bobolink.
Where is Betsy these days? I miss her.
I miss her, too. I hope she’s well and returns soon.
Very soon, hopefully.
Betsy we are all missing you!
What are you talking about? I haven’t gone anywhere. I just haven’t had anything to say on any of the recent topics.
Isn’t it nice to know that you have a devoted reader?
yes. But we like your devoted writing!
A Bobolink with nothing to say is like a Renée with nothing to sing.
Nerva is trying to send her poison violets!
In all seriousness – she needs to produce some sort of tv Christmas special or something like that. Do it up all old fashioned like. You know make it all fake and family like the those Bing Crosby specials. Mix in a little Perry Como and Mitzi Gaynor by way of Barbara Streisand and there ya go. Get a mix of personalities. Maybe a few skits and I am being completely sincere – somebody needs to figure out a way to get Lady Gaga on a stage with her.
Clearly this calls for a thematic duet-medley in the Garland/Streisand or Crosby/Bowie mold. Fleming’s Quando men vo’ against Gaga’s paparazzi?
Exactly!
Why waste time rehearsing others when you can pull the ultimate diva moment, self duet. Exhibits A and B of how it can be done right.
Oh No
I had planned on posting that great vid of Bumbry doing Aida and Amneris, but its been pulled from Youtube, the copyright bandit has struck again. Here’s a somewhat less fabulous audio version.
And then of course there is the ultimate self dueter of all time, bow and recognize.
I’m thinking Fleming can pull off her own Mira O Norma no?
I see RF trying to build on her radical edge that started with Dark Hope. Expect a tasteful Playboy photo shoot with 70′s pop art collective Cosey Fanni Tutti. (parts of link not safe for work)
http://www.coseyfannitutti.com/
Inspired by Debbie Voight’s 2011 triumph in Annie Get Your Gun, That Diva declares 2012 will be her “Merman Year.” Spring brings a new CD of classic oldies: “Merman: Anything She Could Do, I Can Do Better!” Summer brings the “I Can Do Better!” concert tour. Fall brings a new video, our electronically-inserted Diva singing duets with the ghost of Mary Martin.
That Diva’s “Merman Year” climaxes on December 31 with a once-only semi-staged concert performance of Gypsy, telecast live from the Met to theaters worldwide, then endlessly repeated during 2013 PBS pledge drives, with the following remarkable cast:
Mama Rose…………..That Diva
Babies June & Louise…Her real-life daughters
Louise……………..Anna Netrebko
Dainty June…………Elina Garanca
Herbie……………..Thomas Hampson
Mr. Goldstone……….Peter Gelb
Tulsa………………Jonas Kaufmann
Tessie Tura…………Olga Borodina
Electra…………….Maria Guleghina (sporting a newly-electrified Turandot costume)
Mazeppa is originally assigned to Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, who abruptly quits after learning that Gypsy is not an updated rock version of Carmen, and that the role of Mazeppa is not an updated version of Mercedes. Ever the trouper, That Diva steps in and does double-duty to save the day, in the process getting yet another chance to blow her own horn.