parterre box

More years ago than La Cieca would care to say, dear Gertie Dammerung wrote an hilarious parody of the song “Lydia the Tattooed Lady” which La Cieca published in the dimly-remembered print version of parterre box. Time passes. Then, only yesterday, La Cieca received an email from equally dear Hans Lick enclosing an updated version of the lyrics. Never one to leave well enough alone, your doyenne contributed a tweak or two, and so… well, as they say, a song is not a song until you sing it. And sing it you may, right after the jump.

Lydia, oh Lydia, say have you seen Lydia?
Lydia the tattooed Lady!
When she lifts her left leg higher
Wotan lights a wall of fire.

Lydia, Oh Lydia, say have you seen Lydia?
Lydia the queen of them all!
Here’s all the Valkyries a-making their noise,
Ravel’s little brat’s getting smacked by his toys,
And Aschenbach finding out that he likes boys!
You can see the whole season on Lydia!

You can see Hans Sachs mauling sweet little Eva,
On her back see Lisa leap into the Neva,
Here’s Gennaro defacing Mom’s palace,
And Medea portrayed by La Callas!
There’s Falstaff, all chubby and jolly,
Dons Carlo, Giovanni, Pasquale,
Teddy Tahu Rhodes shirtless (up higher!)
Doing pushups he sets hearts afire.

Oh Lydia, Oh Lydia, that encyclopidia,
Oh, Lydia the tattooed Lady!
She has all around her neck I
Capuletti e I Montecchi.

Lydia, Oh Lydia, her tragicomidia
Is seen and applauded by all!
You can see how the whole house of Atreus fell,
Some fruit being dissected by William Tell
And Faust being dragged to the portals of Hell.
Chaliapin goes deep down on Lydia!

There’s a kilted Macbeth and his witches.
On her thigh Netrebko Troyanos in somebody’s britches.
Here’s Boris Godunov and the Pretendah,
And down there you can see La Stupenda.
Here’s Karita dancing bare-chested
And La Fanciulla del West. Did
You see that her Iago’s the meanest?
And Tannhäuser mounts Mount of Venus.

Oh, Lydia, Oh Lydia, that Encyclopidia,
Oh Lydia the Tattooed Lady!
What she’s got to show and share would
Educate the Earl of Harewood!

Lydia, oh Lydia, say have you seen Lydia?
Lydia the queen of tattoo!
She hides her Salome from all but a few,
And modestly keeps Cox & Box out of view,
But her openings always get raves in review.
Even Anne Midgette loves Lydia!

And now, the original version of the song (though not in its original performance!)